Avoiding Common Pitfalls in Staff Performance Improvement Discussions

As experienced former school leaders, we’ve had our share of difficult conversations with staff. We’ve relied on a seven-step process for navigating these conversations, but even with a process in mind, these conversations can still be challenging. Even the most seasoned leaders stumble during them because it's easy to get caught up in the moment and stray from the original purpose: improving school culture and communication. So, in addition to having a process for these conversations, it is important for leaders to be aware of common pitfalls and think through how they can avoid them.

We’ve found that considering what could go wrong has helped us feel more confident and prepared when entering difficult conversations, and helped us stay focused on finding solutions to problems. Both veteran leaders and those new to leadership roles can benefit from being more prepared for difficult conversations.

COMMON PITFALLS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM

Going off script. One of the quickest ways to get off track and potentially miss getting your point across is going off script. It’s easy to get yourself distracted or led off into tangents, especially when things get emotional. Some employees will knowingly try to redirect the conversation to avoid accountability, which is why having a script is essential.

Sticking to your script and redirecting the person back to it when the discussion starts to drift is crucial. You may want to have notes written or typed out for the conversation so you can physically ground yourself in the script.

Trying to “fix” someone. The point of having a meeting with a staff member is not to try to fix them. You are not there to try to convince the employee to “do the right thing.” Be clear with yourself from the start that the point of this meeting is not persuasion, it is intervention. For this to be most effective and worthwhile, the responsibility for a solution should remain with the employee, and you should remain objective, focused on the problem, not the person.

Using guilt or shame. One way to quickly shut down productive conversation is to use guilt or shame to get the outcome you want. Making an employee feel guilty doesn’t solve the issue, it just adds another layer of resentment. Sometimes we resort to this (whether purposefully or inadvertently) to make ourselves feel better or to remind them who’s boss.

Stay objective, focus on the behavior (not their character), and avoid making the person feel attacked or belittled. You are seeking solutions, not confessions. You’re not trying to have them atone or feel bad for what they did. People already know who’s the boss, and like kids, they might forget actions, but they always remember how you made them feel.

Rushing through the conversation. Don’t rush through the conversation. These interactions are uncomfortable, and you may want to get it over with ASAP, but you don’t want to give the impression that you’re squeezing this conversation into your busy day. Not having the time or not being deliberate signals that the issue and the employee aren’t that important. Take the time—it will pay dividends.

Sugarcoating. One pitfall that happens a lot is the “Oreo” approach—positive, negative, positive. We start with something positive, broach the real purpose of the meeting, then close with something positive. Almost always, the sugarcoated parts result in the real message in the middle getting lost. Professionally greet the employee, get straight to the purpose of the meeting, and stay there. Don’t couch the issue in things they are doing well; this is not the time.

As leaders, we need to stay calm and objective and not mirror the employee’s emotions. You only have control over you.

MODELING PROFESSIONALISM AND HOLDING STAFF ACCOUNTABLE

It’s understood that people may react emotionally or defensively during a conversation like this. Whether they get angry, deny, blame, plead, shut down, or threaten, your job is to stay calm, focused, and grounded. Recenter the conversation by saying something like “I know this is uncomfortable, but let’s stay focused on the concern we’re here to discuss,” then return to your script. It’s OK to pause and take a breather, but when you hold your ground, you are doing more than managing the current meeting. You are modeling an expected standard for accountability and professionalism across your organization.

Despite your best efforts, it is possible to reach an impasse where the conversation simply cannot continue productively. You have two options: reschedule or follow disciplinary protocol. To reschedule, calmly say something to the effect of “I want this conversation to be productive, and it seems we’re not ready to reach that outcome today. We’ll reschedule for [specific date and time]. Thank you.” This way, you’re making it clear that you are not avoiding the issue.

You are pushing the reset button, maintaining control, and continuing to set the tone. If the employee requests a union representative, allow it. Transparency builds trust and protects everyone.

If behavior becomes insubordinate—if the person walks out, refuses to meet, or ignores directives—you must follow disciplinary procedures according to contractual, district, or school policies. Taking this step signals that your priority is an amicable resolution and positive change, and that you are not making empty threats.

Every difficult conversation is not only about that incident with that employee. Each time you are able to be resolute and avoid self-derailing, you’re strengthening the culture, raising expectations, and showing your team what leadership looks like.