Helping Elementary Students Practice Social Skills Through Games

Social skills are learned by doing. There’s no substitute for learning them in real life, with real relationships. But to lower the stakes, and give kids practice, I love getting students to rehearse and play with interpersonal skills in situations that aren’t real. In a game, they’re free to make mistakes, and that makes it safe. Sometimes just practicing how to say hello to someone, or how to introduce yourself, can make it easier to do in real life. Here are three games I come back to again and again. None of them need props or any drama training—just floor space and a willingness to play.

Before You Start

The rehearsal space has to be safe. Before I have students play any of these games, I tell the class that it is a judgment-free zone. No laughing at anyone, no eye rolls, no unkind looks. No one is ever pushed to join in or to perform in front of the class. Sitting out and watching is always an option.

Two of the games ask children to explore worries, so I keep a close eye on every group while they play. I want to make sure everyone is feeling OK and that no one is bringing in a scenario that could upset someone. Children know each other well. If a student once panicked about something in real life, a classmate might try to use that moment in a scene in a mean way. If I see that happening, I step in, steer the group toward a new idea, and have a quiet word afterward with the children involved. Made-up problems work best.

Games involving eye contact and touch also need care. Not every student finds eye contact easy, and not every student wants to shake hands. For some neurodivergent children, holding someone’s gaze can feel uncomfortable or even painful, and some children may not want to be touched, for all kinds of reasons. So I offer other ways in. A wave or a nod works as well as a handshake, and there’s a tip for eye contact in the third game. The aim is always connection, never discomfort.

Thought, Not Fact

This exercise shows students that what we think isn’t always a fact. Start by asking the class to put up their hands if they’ve ever thought someone was angry with them and it turned out they weren’t. Then ask if they’ve ever worried about the worst happening, and it never did. Talk about how jumping to the wrong conclusion, or trying to read other people’s minds, can make us anxious, and how it can cause problems between friends.

In groups of three or four, students create a short scene, one or two minutes long, in which someone thinks something that isn’t true, or jumps to the wrong conclusion, and then finds out their worst fear wasn’t true. For example, someone thinks their friends don’t like them anymore because they can’t find them at lunch, but their friends were making a surprise for their birthday. Or someone is upset that they weren’t invited to join a game, but their friends thought they wanted to read their book. All ideas are welcome. Groups can then share their scenes with the class and talk about what the character could have done instead of assuming the worst.

Panicker and Helper

In pairs, one student is the Panicker and the other is the Helper. Give them a problem, and have the Panicker go into panic mode. The Helper’s job is to calm them down and help them find a way through. They might offer a slow breath together, a kind word, or a plan (“Let’s tell the teacher together”). Then they swap roles and try a new problem. Problems might include the following:

• Forgot your homework
• Spilled a drink over your work
• Dropped your lunch tray
• Lost your book
• Kicked the ball over the fence
• Can’t find your coat and it’s time to go home

Afterward, talk about what helped. Was it the words, the voice, or just having someone stay beside you? Children get to practice being the friend who helps, and to feel what it’s like to be helped.

Eye Contact and Handshakes

Everyone walks around the room. When a student catches someone’s eye, they hold eye contact for as long as they can while they keep walking. When they can’t hold it any longer, they find someone else, and then someone else.

Next, ask everyone to shake that off and move on to handshakes. Students walk around, shake hands with someone, look them in the eye, and introduce themselves: “Hi, I’m Mia and I’m 10 years old.” The other person returns with their own introduction: “Hi, I’m Jason and I’m 11 years old.” Then they move on to someone new. Stop and talk about what makes a good handshake (not too hard, not too soft) and how eye contact and a clear voice help someone feel met. Then play with it. Students can shake hands and introduce themselves in different ways, such as excited, or full of confidence, and then talk about how each version felt to give and to receive. For children who find eye contact hard, let them know that looking at the other person’s eyebrows or the bridge of their nose is fine.