5 Strategies to Deescalate Behavior When Students Are Dysregulated

At least half of the students in our classrooms have had one or more potentially traumatic experiences that can affect learning and behavior. When they perceive a threat or feel vulnerable, the “thinking parts” of their brains may go offline, and the amygdala—which controls the fight, flight, fawn, or freeze response—reacts. The prefrontal cortex, the rational decision-making part of the brain, shuts down, and students become more responsive to their impulses, which may be based on trauma and other past experiences. Teachers can take simple steps to help create classrooms that feel emotionally safe and inclusive, where students experience a sense of belonging.

What can dysregulation look like?

Students experiencing dysregulation may show the following behaviors:

Negative or black-and-white thinking: Students may believe they are bad or that everything that happens is their fault. This may show up as shutting down, being very hard on themselves, and expressing that they are “dumb” or “a bad kid” when they receive a low grade or feedback, or experience what seems like a small setback.

Taking neutral feedback as negative: For example, the teacher may ask them to turn around and stop talking or use the bathroom pass when they are going to the restroom. The child hears this in a more hostile, exaggerated way.

A paralyzing fear of making mistakes: This may come across as oppositional, where a student refuses to participate, will not try a new task, or melts down when they hit what seems like a small obstacle. However, they don’t yet have the framework to ask for help.

Difficulty forming relationships: Students who have experienced trauma in their lives often haven’t been able to develop secure attachments. They may be wary of adults, even those who have been supportive.

Poor self-regulation: Many students arrive in our classrooms without the necessary regulation skills to respond appropriately when strong emotions arise. They may present in a constantly hostile, irritated, hypervigilant, or dysregulated state.

Challenges with executive functioning: Students in survival mode may have difficulty remembering, planning, processing new information, and deciding how to respond, leading them to act impulsively. They have not yet learned how to anticipate future consequences, mentally talk themselves through a task, or plan in advance.

Helping Students Deescalate their behavior

When students become upset, the teacher can use strategies to respond in a calm and predictable manner that models the behavior we hope students will learn and implement. Most teachers are not trained to be, nor should they be expected to act as, mental health professionals or crisis counselors. It is always a good idea to call administration, school counselors, or school social workers when needed.

However, teachers are often with students when they become distressed and need strategies to use in the moment to maintain calm and prevent further escalation. Here are some ways to deescalate stressful situations when they arise in the classroom:

1. Keep it low, slow, and predictable. When students are in distress, how you approach them matters. Clinical psychologist Teresa Bolick suggests keeping your approach low and slow: a way to slow down our own reactions so we can better help students. Give them plenty of space, at least six feet, when they are dysregulated. It is important that you do not put students in a situation where they feel cornered, maintain open body language with your arms at your sides, and try to get on an even playing field. Keep your body lower than theirs by sitting in a chair or on the floor. Do not get close to a student’s face, loom over them, or point fingers near their face. 

Try to minimize or eliminate transitions. If one is unavoidable, warn students about the upcoming transition and discuss a plan for the change in a slow, steady tone. Staying calm and responding in a predictable way when students are dysregulated can help them know what to expect and build trust.

2. Model co-regulation. Remember, a dysregulated adult cannot help regulate a child. When a student is in crisis, one of the best ways to support them is to meet them with empathy and curiosity. This means that as students become louder with their behavior, we need to listen and become quieter with ours.

When a student's behavior is escalated, we need to avoid lectures, lessons, or numerous “why” questions, which may trigger fight-or-flight mode. Once the student calms down a bit, we can ask them what they need to feel safe, whether they are ready to talk, and if they require additional time and space.

3. Name emotions to tame them. Let students know that it is OK to feel all our emotions, but we must ensure that we have a plan to process them while keeping ourselves and others safe. We can do this by making observations in the format of a hypothesis to guess and check about what may be going on.

For example, “I noticed that you seemed really angry when Sam turned around and was in your space. The other students in the group were close to you, and the classroom was loud. It looked like you may have felt trapped between your desk and the wall. It seems like the noise in the room felt chaotic to you at that moment.” Behavior is often an expression of how a student thinks and feels. Students respond the way they do to protect themselves or to fulfill a need.

4. Regulate before you educate. Focus on regulating emotions by giving the student space and time and providing peace and structure. Emotional regulation is a student’s ability to control their emotional reactivity to respond to their environment in ways that align with their goals and help them grow. Students need time. It takes at least 20–30 minutes to return to baseline after a perceived or actual threat. Avoid asking students to think logically, problem-solve, understand cause and effect, or process consequences while they are upset. These strategies will not be effective until later.

5. Focus on connections over compliance. When a student is in distress, respond to them using the rapport and relationship you have built with that student. Using behavior management practices that isolate the student or employ control or shame often make the situation worse. Remember, behavior is communication, so when we respond with empathy, we maintain positive relationships. Consistently providing warmth and kindness that does not have to be earned can help steer kids away from negative attention-seeking behaviors.

Once a student is regulated, the student and teacher can work together to make a plan for the future. If a student’s behavior did not meet our expectations, we can provide consequences along with instruction on how to do things differently next time. Emotional regulation, empathy, and productive classroom behaviors are skills, like math or reading, that educators can help students learn and cultivate.

Just because students do not have these skills yet does not mean that they lack the capacity to learn. It just indicates that they may not have received the necessary instruction. Taking the time to help students build their regulation skills shows them that you believe in their potential to grow beyond their current circumstances.