A Collaborative Approach to Skill Building Helps Address Challenging Behavior

When a student is not doing well academically or presents challenging behavior, we often respond with methods aimed at motivating them to change their behavior. How would our approach to teaching be different if, instead, we assumed that kids do well if they can? Often, when we take a closer look, what stands in students’ way is not a lack of motivation to be successful, but a lack of the skills needed for success.

When we understand that students who struggle may be having difficulty because they are still building the skills they need, we can move from judging a lack of willpower to taking a collaborative problem-solving approach. A skilled educator can use this approach to notice skill gaps and create a plan with the student to fill them.

Limits of external reward systems

If you walk into many classrooms, you will find that sticker charts, incentives, tickets, or token systems are common. This is driven by the assumption that kids do well if they want to, so our efforts are focused on trying to make kids want to. We attempt to create motivation with rewards and consequences to produce specific desired outcomes, using power and control.

Although it is still widely used, thousands of studies have shown that this approach poses several problems. First, internal motivation to achieve goals decreases as we rely on external rewards to motivate behavior. Second, it conveys the often inaccurate message to students that the reason they are not successful is that they are not trying hard enough and that perhaps lack of effort or laziness is the cause of their failure. This messaging can be damaging to their self-perception, leading the student to take on that image and adopt those behaviors. In addition, negative assumptions can cause students to feel misunderstood and damage the trust they have in their teachers or school as a whole.

A collaborative approach to skill-building

Teaching students to reflect helps them build the executive functioning skills needed to solve problems. In my book The Independent Learner, I introduce a collaborative problem-solving model where students partner with educators when they are struggling so they can learn to take a moment to pause, reflect on the cause of the difficulty, consider possible solutions, and respond with the big picture in mind.

When we run into a difficult situation with a student in the classroom, teachers can model collaboration and teach communication skills by following Bruce Perry, MD, PhD’s model of regulate, relate, and then reason. Students must return to baseline and feel heard before they can begin to think rationally and problem-solve. The collaborative problem-solving approach outlined by Stuart Ablon, PhD, follows these steps.

Let’s walk through each step using the following common classroom behavior issue:

A student finishes their warm-up activity in two minutes and spends the remainder of the time out of their seat and shouting across the room to friends. When the teacher tries to address their off-task behavior, the student becomes argumentative. Then they put their head down and refuse to participate for the rest of the class period.

Here’s how a teacher can do the following:

1. Exercise empathy and understanding. We must begin by trying to listen to the student’s perspective instead of coming to them with our solutions. When we work with students to listen to them and understand the skills they are struggling with, they feel supported. If a student is dysregulated, being met with empathy is one of the most effective ways to regulate. When a teacher is able to model calm compassion, it helps students learn how to use this behavior with themselves and others when they encounter an issue in the future. Students who are regulated can access skills like problem-solving, greater frustration tolerance, and the ability to persist despite challenging circumstances. 

In the example with the student above, the teacher could talk to the student one-on-one and say, “Tell me what is going on for you? I noticed that you were talking during the warm-up and out of your seat. Then, when I asked you to go sit down, you had your head down.”

2. Be curious, use active listening, and offer reassurance. The teacher can then ask questions to determine what the student needs and where they are coming from. If a student has trouble verbalizing their struggle, make tentative guesses based on what they have told you and check those with them for accuracy. Reflective listening can be used to let students know that you hear them. When you get an answer, repeat back the information in your own words and check with them to make sure you understood them fully. Remind the student that you are talking with them because you want to help them.

In the example above, the student may offer insight into their actions. For example, they may say they were talking because they were done with their work and did not know what to do next. They may share that they were out of their seat because they enjoy working together with their peers. They argued because they felt that they were not off-task since they had completed the warm-up. Then, when they got frustrated, they shut down and put their head down. An understanding of the student’s perspective can help the teacher notice skill gaps. Maybe this student is experiencing the following:

• Is having trouble staying focused and ignoring distractions.
• Does not understand classroom expectations.
• Is having trouble following multistep instructions.
• Is having difficulty regulating emotions.
• Has trouble with transitions.
• Has a hard time staying seated or still.

3. Share concerns and collaboratively brainstorm solutions. Once the student is calm and has a chance to share their perspective, you can share your concerns. After the student’s point of view and the teacher’s concerns have been shared, you can work together to brainstorm possible solutions.

For example, the teacher could share that they are concerned that talking across the room and moving from an assigned seat could distract other students who have not finished their assignment. They could review classroom expectations and share that there are additional things that the student can do if warm-up work is finished early. They could express concern that the student is missing the lesson when they have their head down.

The teacher and student can brainstorm possible solutions that take into account both perspectives. For example, if the student finishes their warm-up before it is time for the lesson, the teacher and student can compile a list of activities the student is allowed to do with their extra time and put a checklist of these options in an area that is visible to the student. They can decide that if the student can stay in their seat and meet the expectations to stay quietly on-task during the warm-up, then the student will be able to move around and work with their friend during the lesson. If the student needs time to process emotions, they can take a break to see the counselor or school social worker for five minutes to reset so that they are able to come back and participate in the lesson.

Changing our focus from giving out rewards to developing relationships can make a huge impact on our classroom management. If we think of behavior as a form of communication that we can use to help us understand where a student is struggling, and what skills they may need to build, it becomes easier to respond to challenging behavior with empathy. Students often need instruction and modeling to build their skill set. Collaborative problem-solving is a scaffold that helps give students the tools necessary to emotionally regulate and the ability to use problem-solving strategies to resolve issues that arise on their own in the future.