Earning Respect and Easing Your Way Into a New Assistant Principal Role

“We aren’t trained to admit we don’t know.”

This insight, courtesy of Margaret Wheatley’s essay “Willing to Be Disturbed,” is the starting point of countless conversations I have with new assistant principals. Every summer, first-year assistant principals walk into school wearing two invisible backpacks: one filled with expertise, and the other filled with self-doubt. The latter backpack can lead to assistant principal imposter syndrome, or the urge to constantly display competence for fear of being exposed. Put bluntly: You’ve been given a sought-after opportunity, and you don’t want to blow it.

When I first stepped into leadership, I, too, dealt with imposter syndrome. Now, in my role as a district administrator in leadership development, I see the same shaky confidence in nearly every new assistant principal that I coach.

Assistant principals are expected to be instructional leaders, operational managers, crisis responders, disciplinarians, social workers, counselors, and relationship-builders. Of course, no leader can fulfill all of these roles at once, nor does any leader have all of the answers—especially not during their first year on the job.

As an administrator, I try to help assistant principals understand that they don’t have to fake it till they make it. Instead, being open and honest about what you know—and what you don’t know—is the real way to learn, to grow, and to earn the respect of your fellow leaders.

Dismantle the All-Knowing Myth

Assistant principals are often the first ones who are called to problem-solve when things go wrong. For new assistant principals, the constant interruptions, operational chaos, and emotional labor can lead to burnout. Every frustrated student, parent, and teacher feels like a unique test. Projecting an all-knowing guise only accelerates exhaustion.

But trust isn’t earned because you have every answer. New assistant principals must learn that relationships create influence, which, in turn, generate trust. Showing up consistently, asking thoughtful questions, and treating the first few months as a learning experience, rather than a performance, build credibility with others (and save your own sanity).

Listen Before You Lead

When I first transferred to a new school, I immediately wanted to deep-dive into the achievement data, establish a plan for fixing areas of opportunity, and establish myself as someone who knew what she was doing. Meaningful improvement, however, depended on my own understanding of the baggage and discontent that lingered from previous leadership. There were also long-standing assumptions about district support that needed untangling. I decided to become a student of the school culture.

I’m a firm believer that conducting an “all ears world tour” with as many stakeholders as possible—teachers, students, custodians, front office staff, and families—establishes the foundation of strong relational trust. John Maxwell’s law of connection reminds us that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Ask what’s working, what’s difficult, and what you should be aware of before trying to change something. Be open to feedback, criticism, and praise; all three sentiments can coexist together.

Be Visible on Purpose

Whether you know it or not, you’re constantly being watched. Showing up consistently across campus means being present in teachers’ classrooms, as well as during professional learning community conversations. Administrators who actively pitch in are more successful than those who rely on email expectations and virtual feedback forms. Your physical presence becomes a visible cue that communicates partnership.

That partnership also entails follow-through. I’ve seen assistant principals falter when they don’t circle back in crucial moments, like returning a parent’s phone call or checking in with a teacher after a difficult day. “Trust is built in very small moments,” according to Brené Brown. Every kept commitment adds up like marbles in a jar.

Focus on One Meaningful Win

When you’re starting out, identify one meaningful win that aligns with your principal’s goals or the school improvement plan, then master it.

I once coached an assistant principal who was drowning in sixth-grade discipline referrals. Instead of remaining overwhelmed by the sheer volume of paperwork, I encouraged her to analyze the data for trends. She discovered patterns that pointed toward inconsistent classroom management and teacher bias. As a result, she moved away from harsher student consequences and organized targeted coaching around relationship-building and proactive classroom structures. Student disruptions decreased, teacher confidence improved, and her credibility grew. Something as simple as identifying one root cause and addressing it thoughtfully allowed her to generate a major win that impacted the rest of the school year. While it might seem counterintuitive, going slow to go fast has its merits.

Build Systems That Make You Dependable

Figure out what’s really important, and build systems to support it. Consider the Eisenhower Matrix, where you drop tasks into quadrants based on urgency and importance. Or, if you’re struggling to clear your inbox, consider the idea of habit stacking. For instance: After arriving at your office and pouring a cup of coffee, respond to emails from the day prior. Connecting the email catch-up with a habit you’ve already established (drinking coffee) signals a new pattern to your brain that becomes sustainable over time.

As you juggle enrollment challenges, staffing shortages, evaluations, supervision, and unexpected interruptions, strong systems can help you protect your time. An organized assistant principal is responsible and reliable, signaling to others that when you make a commitment, you follow through.

Trust the Process

Being an assistant principal is one of education’s most complex jobs. Successful leaders slowly and steadily develop with coaching, reflection, and experience.

School districts have an important responsibility to cultivate leadership capacity by investing in structures that promote this growth. Stronger schools require more than welcome breakfasts and summer orientation sessions—they primarily benefit from structured mentoring, peer coaching, and shadowing.

Every accomplished school leader once began as a newbie. Those who endure aren’t fondly remembered because they had all the answers. They’re remembered because they learned before judging, listened before leading, and earned trust before demanding influence. Being an assistant principal isn’t a performance to perfect; it’s a process to embrace.