Helping Preschool Students When They’re Dysregulated

During a recent preschool lesson, I immediately noticed that the children had a lot of energy. They were wiggling, making noises, and being extra-silly. They weren’t disengaged. In fact, they were giving me wonderful answers to my questions and participating in our conversation. They just weren’t particularly interested in sitting still. I could have spent the lesson repeatedly asking for quiet bodies. Instead, I changed what I was doing.

As I read a book, when a character stamped their feet, I invited the children to stamp theirs. When something silly happened, we acted it out together. And when I looked at the activity I had planned next and realized it required even more sitting and listening, I changed course: “Let’s get some of these wiggles out.” We did a movement song instead.

The lesson didn’t look exactly the way I had planned it. Sometimes, responding to what we see in the classroom means changing what we are asking of children rather than continually asking children to change what they are doing.

NOTICE THE EARLY SIGNS

Dysregulation doesn’t always look like a room full of giggly preschoolers. It may be one child who begins making noises during circle time, moves around the carpet, repeatedly interrupts, pushes another child, throws a toy, or refuses to participate. Those are the behaviors that tend to get our attention. But I’ve learned to look at what happened before them.

Before a child pushes someone during circle, perhaps they have spent several minutes moving closer and closer to the children around them. The early signs will look different for every child. I might notice a child moving around more than usual, withdrawing from the group, grabbing materials, or having difficulty following a routine they usually manage. These behaviors give us information. When we notice them early, we have an opportunity to adjust our approach, the environment, or what we are asking of the child.

REGULATE YOURSELF FIRST

When a child yells, pushes, or throws something, our own energy can quickly rise too. We may move faster, raise our voice, repeat a direction, or begin asking questions. Instead, I try to do the opposite. I slow down. I change my posture and pace. I move closer if the child seems to need my presence. Sometimes I deliberately speak more quietly rather than trying to compete with the noise around me.

This is co-regulation. Young children are still developing the ability to regulate themselves and often rely on a calm adult to help them get there. A child who is struggling to regulate doesn’t need me to match their urgency. My own body, voice, and pace can communicate calm before I say very much at all.

USE FEWER WORDS

As early childhood educators, we use language constantly. We ask questions, explain expectations, help children identify feelings, and encourage them to solve problems. But when a child is overwhelmed, more language isn’t always more helpful. Our instinct may be to ask, “Why did you do that?” or “How do you think your friend feels?” Those conversations are important, but they don’t necessarily need to happen in that moment. Instead, I keep my language short and clear: “I’m here.” “I can help.” “Come sit with me.” “I won’t let you hit.” Then I wait.

Once the child is regulated, we can talk about what happened, name feelings, problem-solve, or repair something with another child. In the middle of dysregulation, the priority is helping the child get to a place where those conversations are possible.

BUILD FLEXIBILITY INTO THE DAY

Sometimes supporting regulation means letting go of what I had planned. During that recent lesson, I knew the next activity would require the children to sit and listen again. I could already see that wasn’t what their bodies needed, so we didn’t do it. We sang a song and moved instead. I didn’t lose the lesson. The children continued participating and learning; I simply changed how we got there.

I use the same thinking during transitions. Preschool students are asked to transition constantly: play to cleanup, classroom to playground, outside to inside, lunch to rest. I rely on predictable routines to help children know what is coming, but I also leave room for playfulness. Sometimes we sing or dance, or I lean into the silliness rather than trying to shut it down. Short breathing breaks, movement, songs, and what I call “brain vacations” can also become part of the ordinary classroom day. These aren’t strategies that need to be saved for the child who is struggling. Everyone can move, breathe, and get their wiggles out.

KNOW WHEN TO STEP IN AND WHEN TO GIVE SPACE

Co-regulation doesn’t always mean moving closer. I’ve worked with children who move toward an adult when they’re overwhelmed and others who turn their body away or move to the edge of the group. Too many questions, too much eye contact, or standing very close can sometimes add more stimulation to an already difficult moment. Of course, if a child is going to hurt themselves or someone else, we need to intervene. But when safety isn’t an immediate concern, I try to observe before automatically stepping in. What does this particular child seem to need right now? Sometimes that means sitting nearby quietly, offering a hand, or giving the child a little space and letting them know I am there when they are ready.

MAKE COMING BACK EASY

Regulation doesn’t end when the crying stops or the child’s body becomes calm. There is another important step: helping the child return. A child who has had a difficult moment shouldn’t feel that they now have to earn their way back into the group. A simple “Are you ready to come back?” may be enough. We can make space at the circle, invite them back into play, or help them begin the next activity. Later, when the child is regulated, there may be something we need to revisit. If another child was hurt, we can help repair that relationship. If a transition was difficult, we can practice it. If the child struggled to communicate what they needed, we can give them language to try next time.

But the difficult moment doesn’t need to define the rest of their day. Young children are still learning how to understand their bodies, manage big feelings, communicate their needs, and move through the demands of a busy classroom.

Our job isn’t simply to stop the behaviors that are difficult for us to manage. Often, the most useful question we can ask is, “What does this child need from me right now?”