A Conflict Resolution Framework for the Early Grades

The recess bell rings and students return to the classroom red-faced and wanting justice. Frustrations are high, blaming begins early, and empathy is scarce. Ideally, problems get solved outside, but more often, they’re brought back to class. Helping students navigate conflict resolution is part of teaching, particularly in the early grades. Academics are often momentarily shelved to focus on important social and emotional growth related to conflict resolution.  

Over the past two years in my second-grade class, I’ve implemented a process that has resulted in a marked increase in students’ wanting to solve issues on their own, as well as an observable improvement in their ability to listen and communicate clearly with each other about the shared values we’ve established.

The process consists of four steps:

1. “Parking” the issue in order to be able to revisit it at a better time.

2. Having a meaningful conversation in which the teacher identifies the deeper values at play.

3. Using “can we agree…” questions to articulate and find common ground around those values.

4. Working together to develop agreements for positive actions moving forward.

Step 1: Park It for Now

The “parking lot” concept has been around for years, and I’m very thankful to the first teacher who shared it with me. I’ve seen it used successfully in different ways, but it primarily works by simply shifting the timing of an important conversation away from the heat of the moment.

The first step is to set up the parking lot. In my classroom, I have a piece of chart paper posted in a low-traffic location, titled “Our Let’s Talk Parking Lot.” When a conflict arises, I (or, sometimes, my students) write down a quick description of the issue or the names of those involved. This note is a placeholder and a reminder for a follow-up discussion. It allows the full class to remain focused while it also sends the message that it’s important to make space for solving conflict in a meaningful way.

After I introduce the routine, it’s common for students who enter the room in a huff to stomp over to the chart and declare, “We have a parking lot issue!” They scrawl their names on the paper and then plunk down in their seats ready(-ish) to learn.

Why wait? “Parking” issues until a later time shifts the urgency from “right now” to “when we’re all ready.” In my experience, it is very effective in terms of developing students’ long-term independence and confidence in resolving interpersonal conflicts. The cool-down time woven into this routine also provides the opportunity for students to move from an emotional headspace to a more logical one.

What about safety? It’s important to note that not all students will have the emotional capacity to wait, nor is it safe to delay addressing some situations, especially when they involve physical aggression. You need to use judgment and weigh the safety concerns. In my experience, most recess issues can be parked. If needed, providing the opportunity for a student to write or draw their perspective in order to capture their thoughts can help them detach from the issue enough to refocus on classroom learning.

When can the follow-up chat take place? Being strategic about timing is important, too. The goal is to have a meaningful discussion at a time when you do not have other instructional pulls. I have found it most effective to have these conversations when I have the flexibility to work with small groups.

Step 2: Focus on Larger Values

When resolving interpersonal conflicts with students, it’s easy to get bogged down by an effort to figure out what truly happened. Reframing these discussions around larger values can depersonalize the issue and help students reach a place of mutual understanding.

It works best when the teacher is able to listen closely and then articulate the values involved.

For example, the values involved with a case of butting in line include fairness, patience, and respect for personal space.

Step 3: Use ‘Can We Agree…’ Questions

The point of “can we agree…” questions is to build connection. They sound like this: “I hear that you’re both really upset and you disagree on what happened during the soccer game and who is responsible. Can we agree that no one likes to be slide-tackled and that it doesn’t make the game fun? It doesn’t feel safe, and people don’t like playing together when they feel unsafe. Can we agree that a game without slide-tackling would be more fun for everyone?”

Using simple, kid-friendly language here is really important. The students have to relate to the question. It needs to depersonalize and extend the context from the present to the future.

These statements are very powerful because they shift the conversation from blaming and tattling to the larger picture of being together in a community.

Step 4: Make Positive Agreements

At this point, there is a very good chance that the heat of the conflict will have dissipated. When the students have agreed on the values, it’s time to have each student agree to a simple action.

Ask your students, “What actions can you agree on to avoid this problem in the future?” Perhaps it’s something that the students can try harder to do or a new rule they can decide on to move forward in a positive way. This step asks the students, again, to agree on something together. It builds connection and common ground.

A teacher might restate this action statement like this: “I hear that you both want to have fun playing soccer. Can you agree to try harder to play safely together? That means no slide-tackling or pushing at any time. Respecting each other’s space leads to a fun, safe game, and it’s one of the most important values of our class.”

An Invitation to Apologize and Share

When students are invited to apologize to each other—instead of being forced to—they often choose to take responsibility and say they’re sorry, which can further build connection. 

If the students are comfortable with you sharing their experience with the whole class, it can have an even greater impact. Explicitly connecting their agreement to the core values of your classroom helps all of your students learn how to navigate their social world and build positive relationships.