Having a Teacher Friend Is the Most Useful Resource in Year One

When I was pregnant with my third child, I wound up in the hospital with signs of early labor. The culprit? I had been avoiding drinking water because I couldn’t leave my students alone while I went to the bathroom, and that led to some complications. As I tried to explain to the doctor that I couldn’t just walk out of my classroom, she leveled a stern look at me. “I don’t care,” she said. “Figure it out. What you’re doing is not safe for you or the baby.”

I had been teaching for many years by that point, and it took that long for me to ask a friend in my department if she could watch my students while I took a quick break. She was more than happy to help. I remember wishing at the time that I’d done a better job of asking for help from a teacher friend earlier in my career, when I was struggling to adjust to the demands of the profession.

Don’t wait as long as I did: Colleagues who have our back are a necessity of teacher life, and that’s especially true in the first year. Teacher friends are helpful in a variety of ways, from having someone to provide a bathroom break to having a thought partner to bounce lesson plans or new ideas off.

Basic Human Needs

In teaching, we tend not to put the proverbial oxygen mask over our own face before we assist others. It’s easy to forget that teaching is a human job before it is an instructional one, and that we need water, a moment to breathe, and occasionally a break that cannot wait until the bell. A trusted colleague makes these small but essential moments possible. When we know that someone has our back, we can step away briefly without anxiety, confident that our students are safe and supported.

I worked with a colleague who had a funny twist on the old college dorm system of putting a sock on the doorknob as a signal. I had a planning period in the morning when she had several classes in a row, so when she had to use the bathroom or make a quick call, she would put a red sock on her door handle. I would walk by her room a couple of times in the class period to see if she needed me to cover while she ran out for a couple of minutes. She would do the same for me when I had a long stretch without a break in the afternoon. This was something we both needed because going for hours without what we call a “bio break” can be pretty challenging. Our students were so accustomed to this that it was never disruptive, and we didn’t need help every day, so these short breaks never felt like an imposition.

This agreement between us only took a few minutes out of each day, but it made a huge impact on our general well-being and ability to attend to basic human needs. Without teacher friends who do these favors for us, the workday becomes needlessly uncomfortable—and potentially unhealthy, as I learned.

Sounding Board

Teaching requires constant decision-making, and many of the choices we make would benefit from another perspective. When we have a teacher friend to talk through ideas, we have a chance to refine our thinking in real time. A quick hallway conversation or after-school check-in can transform an unfinished lesson idea into something purposeful and engaging. And when feedback from leaders is limited or delayed, job-alike colleagues can often provide insight immediately.

We’ve all had the experience of a lesson that looks great on paper but falls flat in the classroom. Toward the end of the last school year, I coached a teacher who carefully planned a discussion only to hear crickets after her questions. She shared with me that after class, she talked it through with her most trusted teammate, who recommended the simple but powerful adjustment of offering a few model responses before letting students discuss the lesson on their own. She also told me that if she had just gone home and “wallowed” (her word) in what she initially perceived as failure, she never would have had the benefit of seeing the situation with a more solution-oriented lens.

These quick exchanges after difficult moments might feel like venting, but they also allow us to problem-solve and improve instruction in ways that are difficult to achieve in isolation.

Voice of Expertise

Teaching never gets boring, but that’s a double-edged sword: The inherent unpredictability of the profession means that even the most experienced teachers encounter uncertainty on a regular basis. A trusted colleague can serve as a voice of expertise with a different perspective, helping us navigate instructional challenges, student needs, and systemic frustrations with an important degree of professional empathy. Seeking out help or resources is especially critical when we step into unfamiliar content or grade levels.

For example, when we are new to teaching, we often lack the resources or strategies to make the most of a curriculum or instructional progression. If we start making connections with our colleagues, they are usually more than happy to share their materials or pacing guide notes, or to provide cautionary advice on how to avoid common pitfalls. We might also turn to a teacher friend when dealing with a challenging parent interaction or trying to interpret a school policy. In each case, the expertise we access through relationships helps us respond more thoughtfully and confidently to the many daily challenges that arise.

Genuine Empathy

I cannot count the number of times I have turned to a teacher friend who can relate to a tough experience I’ve had. One memorable day, I was truly shaken when a student had a meltdown in my classroom that involved knocking over a fair amount of the furniture in the room. After that incident, I really needed to talk to my closest friend in the building because there are moments that only another teacher can fully understand. The emotional highs and lows of the classroom require a kind of empathy that is grounded in shared experience. Teacher friends remind us that we are not alone in our challenges or our growth.

Even in the absence of a dramatic incident, we regularly have days when a student’s comment lingers with us long after the bell or when we never manage to get the classroom under control. Sharing that experience with a colleague who has been through something similar can shift our perspective. Instead of internalizing the moment as failure, we begin to see it as part of the natural growth process that teaching entails. On better days, teacher friends are also the ones who celebrate with us, whether we’ve had a breakthrough with a reluctant writer or a class that finally clicked into place as a community of learners. Sharing these moments, both difficult and joyful, helps sustain us emotionally in a profession that demands constant giving.

Making a Teacher Friend

Now that it’s clear why we all need a teacher friend, here are a few ways to make sure we start making connections early and often

• Try to eat lunch in a common area for teachers at least twice a week. It’s tempting to eat in your classroom, but we do not make friends in isolation or by always spending our free time with students.
• Use the first weeks of school or preservice to walk down the hallway and meet your neighbors. Typically, these early days have a lower grading workload, and it will be helpful to see how more experienced colleagues have set up their classrooms.
• During team planning time, ask for feedback from colleagues, and listen to their ideas carefully.
• If there are opportunities to socialize—after school happy hours, teacher sports leagues, etc.—try to take part whenever possible.
• Small moves like thanking someone for a small favor or offering to help with a simple yet time-consuming task (like making copies if you’re at the copier already) can go a very long way.
• Before back-to-school night, ask some of your colleagues for their best tips for communicating effectively with parents and ensuring that the most important aspects of course content and classroom norms are clear.
• If a teacher sponsors a club or activity for students and you have an interest, ask them if you can attend a meeting or help out.

Our teacher friends sustain us in ways that extend far beyond convenience. They help us meet our needs, sharpen our practice, and stay connected to the purpose of our work. In a profession that asks so much of us, having someone who understands and supports us is not optional. It is essential.