How Women in School Leadership Can Combat All-Too-Common Stereotypes

A few months ago, while facilitating a staff discussion about a proposed shift in schoolwide practices, I found myself in an unexpected and uncomfortable exchange with a teacher. The change on the table wasn’t minor—it required balancing student needs, staff capacity, and district expectations, all while addressing long-standing concerns about workload and consistency. Perspectives in the room were understandably mixed.

Still, we were making progress. The conversation was respectful. People were listening, naming concerns, and trying to understand viewpoints different from their own—the kind of leadership dialogue where disagreement doesn’t derail the work but deepens it.

Then came the sentence that stopped the room: “Well, you know… because you’re a woman, you’re just more nurturing and wouldn’t get it.”

Part of me wanted to take the metaphorical shovel out of his hands and hand him a backhoe instead. But another part of me recognized the moment for what it was—an all-too-familiar experience for women in school leadership, where authority, expertise, and decision-making are still filtered through gendered assumptions, even in spaces committed to growth and equity.

Women in leadership—across education, business, and public service—are essential to the health, well-being, and future of our organizations. Yet the subtle (and not-so-subtle) comments, the expectations to be agreeable, the assumptions about how we “should” lead, add layers to an already complex role.

In Brave, Not Perfect, author Reshma Saujani describes what happens when “yes-girls become yes-women”—we prove our worth by being selfless, agreeable, and accommodating. But these habits, often conditioned from childhood, can inhibit our ability to lead fully and authentically. Here are three shifts that can help women develop leadership styles grounded in confidence, collaboration, and community.

Confidence: Quieting the Inner Critic and Trusting Your Capacity

In education, women leaders second-guess decisions they are more than qualified to make—replaying a staff meeting long after it ends, overpreparing for conversations they’ve already had dozens of times, or questioning their leadership because one voice in the room pushed back.

When we lean into those limiting beliefs, everyone loses. Schools feel it when a principal hesitates to set a clear boundary, delays a necessary decision, or softens a message to avoid being perceived as “too much.” Teams feel it when leadership clarity wavers. And we feel it personally when our confidence becomes contingent on approval rather than anchored in purpose.

The authors of The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, remind us that confidence grows through action—not by waiting until we feel ready, but by learning through doing. In school leadership, that might look like leading a difficult staffing conversation, making an unpopular but student-centered call, or standing firm in a meeting where you are the only woman at the table. Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s the willingness to act despite it.

When we stall out because of fear, decisions slow down, innovation pauses, and our voices remain unheard.

Strengthening instructional confidence. Confidence in schools doesn’t mean eliminating uncertainty—it means not letting uncertainty run the staff meeting. Here are some ideas:

• Make one instructional or operational decision faster this week (schedule, coverage, pacing, student support). Watch how clarity reduces downstream noise.
• When self-doubt shows up, ask: “Is this a knowledge gap, or a leadership narrative I absorbed somewhere along the way?”
• Replace “I’ll wait until it’s perfect” with “I’ll model learning in motion.”

Collaboration: Creating Together Instead of Perfecting Alone

Women leaders often overcompensate by overpreparing—doing more of the thinking, designing, and polishing before inviting others into the work. I’ve done it—walking into professional learning community meetings with beautifully formatted, perfectly laminated plans… only to watch them fall flat because they weren’t cocreated.

To be a genuine collaborator, you have to stay connected to the work itself. Not by hovering over others, but by rolling up your sleeves, trying things yourself, and learning in real time with your team. That proximity builds trust, accelerates improvement, and turns “my plan” into “our work.”

Building solutions with your team. Treat collaboration as a leadership strategy, not a remedial step. Here are some ideas:

• Invite staff into the conversation before the master schedule, initiative, or intervention is fully formed. Bring the team into the room before the plan exists.
• Replace “I’ll come back once I have the answer” with “Let’s examine the data and design the response together.”

Community: Building Circles that Challenge and Sustain Us

There have been days as a leader when I wanted to crawl under my desk. Since I’m an adult, I opted for hiding in the bathroom instead. On those days—full of side comments, tough decisions, or the emotional weight of leading schools—I knew exactly whom to text first: other female school leaders. I have them on speed dial.

A strong community of female colleagues provides perspective when we can’t see out of the hard moment, accountability when we’re tempted to shrink back from doing hard things, and encouragement when the work feels lonely.

Stepping into your community. When women support women, we create an ecosystem where leadership becomes sustainable—not heroic. Here are some ways to do this:

• Build a peer circle before you need one.
• Look for women whose leadership you admire—and tell them.
• Share your wins out loud. Silence hides brilliance.

Leading Forward—Together

Leadership is challenging. Leadership as a woman sometimes adds a layer that requires even more clarity, courage, and connection. In schools, leadership voice isn’t just about speaking up—it’s about claiming authority in rooms where relationships, history, and expectations are already in play. For many female school leaders, the challenge isn’t knowing what to say; it’s deciding when, how, and whether it’s safe to say it. Stepping into your voice means leading with clarity even when it disrupts comfort—your own or someone else’s.

When my colleague said, “You didn’t get it because you’re too nurturing,” it got me thinking. Early in my career, this would have felt like a dismissal of my role as a leader. What I know now is that he was really saying that my leadership didn’t match his mental model.

Here’s the truth: We don’t need to become less nurturing, less collaborative, or less relational to lead well. We need to harness those strengths with confidence, invite others into the process early, and build communities where we lift each other up.

For the women reading: Who is in your corner right now? Who are you mentoring? Where are you still leading alone when a partnership would make the work lighter?

And for the men reading: How are you showing up? What assumptions need unlearning? How can you use your position—formal or informal—to interrupt limiting narratives, redistribute emotional labor, and advocate for the women you work alongside?

When female school leaders lead from a place of authenticity—not stereotype—we don’t just break ceilings. We build pathways in hallways, classrooms, and conference rooms for those coming behind us.

And that’s leadership worth standing up for—even when someone hands you a metaphorical shovel.