How to Hold Intentional Conversations With Educators

Each effort, action, and decision a leader makes is a lever that, when pulled with intention, should create the greatest possible impact. In schools and districts, effective communication remains a key component of success. In the digital world of communication, convenience has transformed efficiency, speed, and connectivity; as such, it’s vital that leaders choose the right communication tool to fit a particular situation.

While digital tools are efficient, not all of them are always effective. That’s why, amid this communication revolution, there are times when the oldest tool—a face-to-face, in-person, knee-to-knee meeting—is still necessary at times.

Criteria for Face-to-Face Meetings

We use a practical threefold rule of thumb to decide whether a meeting should be face-to-face rather than virtual:

1. Does a critical decision need to be made?
2. Is this a sensitive situation?
3. Are we deliberately building a relationship?

If the answer is “yes” to one or more of these three questions, then an in-person meeting is a must. We encourage school leaders to reflect on the following reasons for calling an in-person meeting versus using the digital tools that we’ve come to rely on (in our opinion) too heavily.

Performance Reviews

Although performance conversations can be conducted virtually, we believe that these conversations, whether a formal evaluation, celebrating an achievement, or addressing an area of growth, should be done in person. Effective leaders understand that tone and body language are critical aspects of any conversation. As we discuss in our book, Candid and Compassionate Feedback Transforming Everyday Practice in Schools, establishing the right environment to have informative, transformational performance reviews requires a setting that promotes candid conversation, allows for productive dialogue, and facilitates a leader’s opportunity to ensure mutual understanding.

An invitation may sound something like this: “Jim, I’d like to meet in person because I want to provide ample time to have a productive conversation regarding your performance. I value your thoughts on how you think you are doing and areas where you see yourself growing. Let’s take time to explore what’s going well and how we can identify areas of focus moving forward.” While this can be done through email or a call, a quick drop-in, face-to-face invitation, reaching out, eliminates any guessing on the person’s part, reduces doubt or unnecessary anxiety, and quickly allows the person to ask a quick question if needed.

Performance reviews are the perfect time to identify a person’s strengths and areas for growth. Knowing the delicate nature of these meetings, it’s imperative that we follow a sound framework to guide the conversation:

1. Start with the specific area of focus.
2. Provide details for why this particular area is being identified.
3. Offer information about how this positively or negatively impacts their students and the school.
4. End with a final statement that concretely concludes your point.

Regardless of the formality of the conversation or the position that the person holds, improving and celebrating staff performance is essential. Doing so in person, making the time to connect one-on-one, makes a significant difference in the effectiveness of your message. We think of performance as a sensitive issue and a time to strengthen relationships.

Tough Conversations

Critical conversations require dialogue to ensure that the message is being heard and understood while preserving the professional relationship. Preparation for the meeting is essential. The tougher the conversation, the more school leaders should focus on what is being said, as well as nonverbal communication signals. Body language tells a story of its own and can provide valuable insight into how the message is being received. Digital tools, such as email or messaging platforms like teams, simply don’t provide this critical information. While Zoom and other video meetings offer some degree of connection and visual interaction, they can lack the depth and nuance of a face-to-face conversation, so they should be used sparingly or for long-distance conversations.

An introductory statement for a tough conversation may sound something like this: “Team, this is a tough discussion we need to have, and I wanted to make sure we talk about it face-to-face so that we fully understand each other. I realize that you may not agree with everything I am going to say, but I value each of your perspectives and need to hear your thoughts.”

Make sure to establish ground rules before engaging in tough conversations:

• “Let’s agree to listen intently so that we understand what everyone is saying.”
• “Let’s agree to listen with respect and assume positive intent.”
• “Let’s agree to keep this conversation about necessary actions and outcomes, not about one another.”

Tough conversations also include times when difficult decisions need to be made. From budget cuts to strategy meetings, the more difficult the conversation, the better it is to hold an in-person meeting. We’ve seen and heard of really important meetings being held via an online platform, only to find out that people weren’t fully engaged or didn’t completely understand the magnitude of the decision being made about their department, initiative, or program. Being on the same page in the same space resolves much of the distraction and promotes comprehension when the going gets tough.

Relationship Building

Another great reason to use a face-to-face meeting is for relationship building. Whether we’re strengthening a relationship or restoring one, there’s something powerful about being physically present with your colleagues. In-person meetings help to build trust, create and develop human connectivity, allow for and increase empathy, and deepen professional bonds.

You might phrase your invitation this way: “Linda, I would like to meet in person to have a good understanding about how things are going for you, essentially what’s working and what’s not. Please know that we have these one-on-one meetings with staff just to check in. There’s no formal agenda—it’s just an opportunity to talk.”

Use a clear framework for productive dialogue:

• Be present—no phones and no computers.
• Be curious—ask questions.
• Be vulnerable—don’t get defensive.
• Be transparent—share thoughts and ideas.

Whether it’s with a new team member or a seasoned veteran, there’s no substitute for taking time to build a professional relationship that facilitates getting to know each other better.

Prioritizing Connection to Maximize Benefits of One-on-One Meetings

The digital revolution is terrific for quick access, but it can be sterile, void of the natural flow, joy, and laughter that happen genuinely during an in-person meeting. Education is a people business, and people need to connect with their work and one another. There’s a place for virtual tools as methods of communication, and we promote the use of these platforms to develop leaders in their skills to communicate well. However, nothing supersedes the need for an in-person connection when it comes to critical decisions, sensitive conversations, and relationship building.