George Lucas Educational Foundation
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Nineteen years ago I joined the Oakland Unified School District (OUSD) in Oakland, Calif., and at the end of June I will resign. I've never been through a divorce with a spouse and I don't mean to precisely equate my experience with what I know (as a child of divorce) is an intensely painful experience, but it feels like the closest equivalent as I end the longest professional association of my life.

In OUSD, I taught second through eighth grade with middle school students being my favorite. I helped start the school ASCEND, a phenomenal school, and learned what is possible when a group of people put their heads, hearts and hands together. This experience catapulted me into the awareness that in order to transform schools we'll need to pay a lot more attention to professional development for teachers and leaders. I became an instructional coach, then a leadership coach, and finally an administrator leading a team of coaches.

The memories are a flood of emotions. What stands out are the faces of the kids I taught, the images of their faces as they learned something new, the conversations with their parents, the visits to their homes, the joy of being at their high school graduations, the love I felt for them (swells of gratitude for those opportunities). This is what I'll let be dominant and not the dysfunction.

I no longer feel that what I have to offer can be received in this district. For the last five years, many of the efforts at transformation that I have been involved with have been stifled, dismantled, or shut down without explanation. I live in Oakland, I love this city, and I wanted to retire from this district, but I have to accept that what I want to give -- in the way of school transformation -- can't, at this moment, be received. This was a difficult and painful awareness to land on.

I made my decision to leave in the early winter and since then I've been reflecting on this process of separation. I thought I'd offer some suggestions for how to divorce your district in case you're contemplating such a decision or leaving a meaningful professional relationship.

Know When It's Time to Go

John Gottman, a psychologist renowned for his work on marriage and relationships, says that for a relationship to be healthy, both positivity and negativity are necessary. The magic ratio is five-to-one: in a stable relationship there are five times as many positive interactions between partners as there are negative.

So how's your relationship with your school or district? When was the last time you received positive feedback on your work? Are there people who acknowledge your contributions?

In the last few years I've spent far more sleepless nights mulling over some work-related thing (often work-related drama) than over anything else in my life. I shed tears, invented new curse words, and spent hours in therapeutic coaching sessions with a friend trying to sort out my feelings about the district where I've worked. This year I recognized it was time to go. The magic ratio had tipped and there were a pile of other indicators pointing to the door.

Practice Systems Thinking

In difficult moments, we often blame to relieve emotional distress, at least this is my tendency. However, I also know that ultimately this doesn't make me feel better. As much as I'd like to blame a few people in OUSD for putting up barricades to what I'd like to offer the children, teachers, and administrators in this district, ultimately I can't blame any individual.

What relieves the emotional distress is practicing systems thinking -- a conceptual framework for seeing interrelationships and patters of change. (Here's a great resource on understanding systems thinking in education.) Systems thinking gives me perspective, insight, and understanding into the complexity of a large school district. It helps me acknowledge that nothing is personal -- not the barricades nor the lack of appreciation. It's a product of this dysfunctional beast of a system. I can stand back, far back, and say, wow, what a mess. I've seen this for years and have tried to work within it to change it but now it's time to leave.

Tell an Empowering Story

What will seal the emotional deal of my tenure in OUSD is how I choose to interpret my experience. I can tell a story in which I was a victim, unappreciated, and undervalued. Or I can say, "Right now, there isn't the kind of space I need here and so I'm choosing to leave." The way that we interpret difficult experiences is directly correlated to our emotional resilience, to how we bounce back from adversity.

Of my 19 years at my district, I'm going to tell a story in which my students and their parents appreciated me deeply, and in which I led an effort at transformation in one little corner of the district and created a healthy learning space for a group of coaches. I'm going to tell a story where I had agency and made decisions about my work and where I learned a tremendous amount and grew in ways I never expected. I'm going to spend many years telling this story.

Say Goodbye With Gratitude

The sadness I feel in leaving is tightly connected to the mountains of gratitude I feel for having been a part this district, for the people I've met, and for what I've learned. When I think over the years, I focus on remembering my beautiful, brilliant students, and the moments when we were both learning -- in Yosemite and the Grand Canyon, as well as in our dingy portables and classrooms. I remember my optimism and excitement when we started ASCEND and I feel voluminous gratitude to those who led that effort. I think of the teachers and principals I coached and am grateful to have been a witness to their learning. I think of my colleagues who have generously pushed, counseled, and advised me; I've been incredibly lucky to have a continuous stream of amazing colleagues. And I think about the team of coaches I've led for the last two years: a group of people who have transformed the way I think about teams, what is possible when we work together, and who helped me discover who I am as a leader. I am so grateful.

When you leave your district, acknowledge the love and contributions.

Find the Humor

Humor has long been my family's antidote for adversity and I drew on that legacy this year. I also find music to be therapeutic and last December I created a "Playlist for Divorcing OUSD" which included, "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor. In my car as I drove to work, I'd belt out the lyrics, I'm saving all my love for someone who's loving me.../ You think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die?/ Oh no, not I.

I also found breakup songs in Spanish to be cathartic. I highly recommend, "Me Voy," by Julieta Venegas, who sings, Porque no supiste entender a mi corazón/ Lo que habia en él / Porque no tuvieste el valor de ver quien soy...Because you didn't know how to understand my heart/ because you didn't have the courage to see who I am...What a shame, but good bye/ I'm saying goodbye and I'm leaving/ Because I know something better is waiting for me/ Someone who knows how to love me... .

These lyrics helped me access the deep emotions and grief that this separation brings up. I'm grateful for this too -- the access allows for release and after the melodrama diminished, I'd laugh at myself.

Step Into the Future

I know that many of us are or have been in unhealthy professional relationships. I've definitely seen a lot of dysfunction and toxicity in the district where I've worked as well as elsewhere. If we're going to transform our schools, we'll need to attend to our relationships within organizations, to the ways we communicate, and how we make decisions and how we recognize and acknowledge strengths and areas for growth. This is the work I'll be doing: developing coaching programs, helping schools and districts become learning organizations in which everyone is engaged in refining their craft, and cultivating emotional resilience amongst educators. I know that if we're going to transform our schools into the kinds of learning places where our children will thrive we need to attend to the culture of the adults who work in schools. It's to this endeavor that I'll continue to offer my services.

My final day as a district employee will be June 30. On that day, I am committed to stepping into the future telling stories of gratitude for the 19 years that we were together and acknowledging that this district will always be a part of me. I'm a much better educator, mother, and human being because of it.

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Ms.W's picture

I truly think this issue needs to be front and center in the educational reform debate. The dysfunctional public school environment with all it's complexities depletes me and I am a fully functioning adult who has many years of coping skills, a supportive family and advanced college degrees. If I am completely frustrated with the hypocrisy and double standards (i.e. politics) then I cannot fathom how frustrated my students are.

I grew up in a much simpler time and can't imagine how I possibly would have coped with what my students have to deal with in this environment. If I have difficulty sorting out who is truly being served by the public schools and how to be successful in this system, what must it be like for many of my students?
It is sad. I am mid-career and I just don't think I can afford the emotional toll this career takes on me, anymore. It doesn't have to be this way and my hope is, all of us who see the 'elephant in the living room' and are willing to speak up, will somehow make a difference.
Good Luck to all of us!

Kevin Jarrett's picture
Kevin Jarrett
Maker Educator, Google Certified Innovator & Trainer, Dreamer, Doer. Learning experience designer, workshop leader/speaker, author. Stanford #Fablearn Fellow. #GoogleEI #GoogleET

Ms. W.,

Want to acknowledge your comment and situation. Trying to find something witty and inspirational to offer. Failing.

Sending love and hugs instead,


Cindy Johanson's picture
Cindy Johanson
Executive Director, Edutopia

Ms. W., Your comments and so many of the responses to Elena's post are jarring to read. Everytime I get an alert from this thread, I brace myself as I read yet another educator who is ready to throw the towel in. You are absolutely right. This issue needs to be at the center of ed reform.

Kevin Jarrett's picture
Kevin Jarrett
Maker Educator, Google Certified Innovator & Trainer, Dreamer, Doer. Learning experience designer, workshop leader/speaker, author. Stanford #Fablearn Fellow. #GoogleEI #GoogleET

Ms. W., another thought.

Few people would argue that we are all our own best judges of our work situation.

However, something I heard yesterday at the Google EduOnAir presentation actually applies here. The conversation was about change, and the need to challenge assumptions.

We all go through life with assumptions about ourselves, our performance, our schools, our colleagues. Oftentimes those assumptions are spot-on. Often, too, they impact our perceptions incorrectly.

Have you considered teaching in another district? Or perhaps investigated opportunities to do so? You might be amazed at what you find - and learn about yourself and your situation.

In other words, you're more valuable than you think. You matter. We all do.

Wishing you the best,


Spedmom's picture

I have been through two divorces. I divorced my husband after 17 years and my district after 20 years. I said at the time when I left my district I felt the same way as I did when I divorced my husband. It is good you can be positive and not take it personal. I live in a small town in the southern part of Sebastian County in Arkansas. I moved here for this job and my youngest daughter attended school here with the same classmates from kindergarten until graduation in 2009. I probably should have left then but because it was such an emotional time for me I did not. But it was personal for me. It was a very sad time.
I have read a lot about single women over 50 in education get bullied to leave because small district can hire 2 teachers for what they pay an experienced one. My principal sure fit the bill. It would have been different if I had done a poor job. But the fact is, I never remarried and I basically devoted my life to this district. I began new programs for the students in the Special Education program and received awards for my accomplishments. In a small district things are different; nepotism is rampant. They never fired anyone except those teachers who had had improper relationships with students. They couldn't because they didn't do the required observations. Neither the principal nor the Special Education Supervisor observed me teaching after the first 1-2 years. But, bullying is alive and well in this district. I finally decided to leave when I was told so many negative things about myself. I had actually decided I'd retire from teaching. I was advised by a friend to apply at a nearby district but honestly didn't think I'd get hired because of the salary difference in a beginning and experienced teacher. Not only did I get hired, I was told many principals wanted me! My reputation of being a good teacher was something I was unaware of. This was two years ago. I love my new job! My only regret is that I didn't decide until Summer so I didn't get a chance to tell my co teachers good bye. But they know how unhappy I was and with Facebook and other social media I have kept up with them. I have taught over 30 years. I too think you need to know when it's time to go but if you live in a small town it becomes more difficult. I lived within a few blocks from my classroom where I taught for 18 of the 20 years. I know drive 20 miles to work. But it is definitely worth it.

Donna M Babcock EdD's picture
Donna M Babcock EdD
6th Grade Math Teacher in Newport News, Virginia

I too have seriously been emotionally wrestling with my decision to continue in education. It is a very tough decision to make after having been a teacher for 27 years. Even though I went out and earned my doctorate in Administration and Leadership and am certified in two states to be an administrator, I find I am "not political enough" to play the political games with my kids and peers' lives. Maybe the time has come for the divorce for me as well. Sometimes as professional educators, we "see" so much and yet our hands are tied. This article has provided me much food for thought.

Kevin Jarrett's picture
Kevin Jarrett
Maker Educator, Google Certified Innovator & Trainer, Dreamer, Doer. Learning experience designer, workshop leader/speaker, author. Stanford #Fablearn Fellow. #GoogleEI #GoogleET

Spedmom and Donna, thanks for contributing to the conversation on this difficult topic.

I wonder if our communities realize what theses work environments are really like.

Teacher's Work Environment = Student's Learning Environment


KathyBriccetti's picture

What a lovely perspective. I, too, try to hold onto the positive memories from my nearly 25 years working in OUSD. Mostly I remember the people I worked with in scores of schools who were committed and hard-w0rking. At times, I felt such gratitude and fulfillment in my work. But the emphasis on measuring quantity over quality, poor systemic communication, and ineptitude in many of the people in decision-making positions drove me to divorce OUSD five years ago. I have wondered whether OUSD is just too large to be managed effectively. Big cities like San Jose have several districts operating independently, which can lead to better oversight and accountability. Is that something Oakland should move toward?

Rachel Powers's picture

I appreciated this essay when a teacher friend shared it with me a while back. My story is that I worked in the field of deaf education for 19 years and for the last 11 years for a small residential deaf school as a secondary education teacher. I was hired to help pilot a program moving the high school from the residential setting to the public school setting. The first few years it was a partnership between the regular education host high school and my administration. Things fell apart when the public school administration changed and my student needs became more complex. The more I advocated for my deaf students with special needs to join the community based programming for students with significant special needs housed at a different district high school, the more I was ignored. Rather than collaboration for what students need, the staff mostly of low paid teacher assistants scrambled to create a community based program. It was a depressing setting in which inclusion consisted of being housed in the basement of a drafty high school. Minimal supports for students and staff.
I considered what I could change in the situation and opted to work on special education endorsement so I could work for another district. Now I am in my second year as a resource teacher working with a variety of students in a district which provides structure and hands on supervision. Albeit not perfect, I am so much better off professionally and economically as I increased my salary as well.

Kevin Jarrett's picture
Kevin Jarrett
Maker Educator, Google Certified Innovator & Trainer, Dreamer, Doer. Learning experience designer, workshop leader/speaker, author. Stanford #Fablearn Fellow. #GoogleEI #GoogleET

Great news, Rachel. Love how you recognized the problems you faced, came up with a plan, executed it - and are happier now, making a difference. Good for you!

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