Fear Factor: Harassment Hurts
The effect of bullying goes beyond simple schoolyard scuffles to cause lasting emotional wounds.
by Christina Wood
Credit: William Duke
Last year, Lakeside Middle School, in Millville, New Jersey, received disturbing news: It had been added to the state's list of "persistently dangerous" schools. The parents, staff, and students were stunned. None considered the school dangerous.
Though the community disagreed with the designation (which, the school believes, was the result of overreporting of school fights), it used the information as an opportunity to recommit parents, teachers, and students to stopping all forms of school violence.
Lakeside already had a successful Peace and Respect Initiative that offered special treats or class parties to students to keep the school fight free. Students were encouraged to report fights, rather than simply watch as students came to blows. But here was a chance to drill deeper into the issue of school safety. To help every student feel safe at school, Lakeside took on a precursor to fighting -- and one of the most serious behavior issues facing schools today: bullying.
"Our philosophy is not to dish out consequences in a vengeful way but to change the behavior of the bully," explains Vice Principal Tom Denning. Lakeside and the community launched a comprehensive program on bullying awareness and prevention. Using a federal grant from the Safe Schools/Healthy Students Initiative, the school implemented the Second Step violence-prevention program, which includes bullying intervention as a key component.
For staff, the school began offering new courses and training in anger management, classroom discipline, and social and emotional learning. An on-staff mental health counselor worked with students and staff to teach them how to address behavior issues as they arise, rather than let them simmer until they explode.
Menace of the Meanies
Most adults remember their school bullies, often with visceral clarity. Every school has them. But whereas free-swinging kids once were shrugged off with limp phrases like "Boys will be boys," police investigations have disclosed that bullying is usually the root cause of school shootings.
Bullying seems alarmingly common. More than 16 percent of U.S. schoolchildren said they'd recently been bullied, according to a 2001 survey by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Some estimates are higher. In a 1999 survey of nearly 4,500 third graders in Maine by the Maine Project Against Bullying, 23 percent said they'd been threatened, 40 percent called hurtful names, and 38 percent hit, kicked, or pushed.
Bullying takes many forms: hitting, spreading rumors, name-calling, threats, and social isolation (see "Mean Girls," below). A bully usually chooses a weaker, smaller, or more sensitive student as a target. Kids who are perceived as "brains," or are disabled, gay or sexually ambivalent, new to the school or area, or different in some other way are typically picked on. Bullies often play to a group of bystanders; their goal is to create an imbalance of power by humiliating one child and gaining the "loyalty" of bystanders who want to avoid becoming the next victim.
Attitude Adjustments
Changing everyone's behavior is the crux of an effective bullying-prevention program, experts say. "A program cannot address only a few kids; it must be schoolwide," says William Lassiter of the Center for the Prevention of School Violence. "It must also reach into the community because bullying happens there as much as at school -- on the way home, in Little League, and at Boy Scouts."
And on the school bus. In February, a twelve-year-old boy in Florida was beaten up by six bullies during a bus ride. The incident was captured on a surveillance tape and made national news. But any kid will tell you that a lot of bullying occurs on the way to and from school. The bus, the walk home, and the cafeteria are also popular bully haunts -- places where adults typically don't see the offending behavior.
Any successful program on bullying prevention and awareness has to begin with education: Students, teachers, and parents need to know how to identify bullying and how destructive it is.
"From education, you have to move quickly to intervention," advises Chuck Saufler of the Maine Project Against Bullying. "Every adult who works in the school -- teachers, parent volunteers, food-service workers -- must be trained in how to intervene." Saufler suggests starting with a survey to find out when, where, and by whom bullying occurs.
But there's no quick fix. After education and intervention, the effort must be vigilant and ongoing. The end result is to change the culture of the school -- and to maintain that change -- so bullying isn't accepted.
"We have zero tolerance for bullying," says Denning. "We love the kids and we respect them and we don't turn our back on them. We have our eyes on the kids from the time they come in until the time they leave."
Bye-Bye, Bullies
One year after Lakeside was labeled "persistently dangerous," the school's efforts to educate the school community about the dangers of bullying are paying off. The school is no longer labeled as dangerous, and parents, teachers, and students see a change in the school culture.
Christi Finney's daughter, a student at Lakeside, offers a good example. "Whitney might be susceptible to bullying," her mom says, "because she's different. She has Down syndrome. But the kids here know her and look out for her. I think that's because of the character education."
Two new programs this year extend the school's efforts. Lakeside principal Kevin Laughlin will join with principals throughout the district in a program sponsored by the New Jersey Attorney General's Office of Biased Crimes. Together they'll arrange workshops for teachers and students on bullying and sexual-harassment prevention. The school also participates in a national initiative called 15+ Make Time to Listen . . . Take Time to Talk. The program provides information about bullying and other child-development and safety issues. It also helps develop the tools necessary to communicate with children about what the program calls the "climate of fear created by bullying."
Janet Oliver, the mother of two Lakeside students, hopes that efforts to end bullying will make school a safer, more comfortable place for her children. "Aggression is part of life," says Oliver. "But we can teach our kids kinder ways of dealing with each other."
Christina Wood is a freelance writer living in North Carolina.
This article was also published in the November 2004 issue of Edutopia magazine.
Advertisement
Comments & Responses
Sad Commentary on Our Society
It's a sad commentary on our society when statements like "Aggression is part of life," are standard responses to horrible behavior.
We as a society have allowed it to be so. Agression does not have to be a part of life. Until we all have better self esteem and a goal of reaching our full potentional (neither of which are taught or even tolerated in most schools), we will have bullies. It might become more subtle, but it will still be prevalent.
We have created a society within a society in the form of the public school system. A system that pigeonholes children as "sensitive" or "aggressive" or "geeky", these labels are rarely changed throughout the student's school career, unless the student succeeds at being invisible (great! We've taught our kids how to be invisible!).
We are not getting at the root of the problem if we only teach kids to manage their anger and we don't explore where that anger is stemming from.
I don't know yet what the answer is, but the public school system has failed the majority of it's inmates (I mean children). The way bullying is overlooked and/or tolerated is only one piece of the barely edible pie we call public education.
bullying
That's all great news for the bullys (to help them become better people now that we understand them) - but what are we doing for the victims? Fifth grade has been the worst of all and my child is that sensitve kid who makes a great target for them. I want to know what we can do to empower the victim - bullys are not "throw away kids" but here we go again - focus on the bad behaviour and give it all the attention which just leaves the others behind.
Root causes of harassment or Addicted to cruelty
Root causes
Addicted to cruelty
Complaining does not prevent such devastating behavior. The root of the cause has not been addressed for every child that acts this way there is a parent or teacher that condones it or is absent minded, incompetent and doesn’t care to get involved. Plus the parents that perpetrated and displayed such conduct as well are not held accountable. They reinforce that behavior by praising all those despicable attitudes. They find it fun, they enjoy creating anxiety and FEAR in others, and they’ll keep pursuing such activities whether they are at home, school or online. That is why it never stops, because they have become addicted to the feeling of over powering or submitting someone. These people have dismissed any empathy towards others, their sense of entitlement prevails, and they steal, break and lie openly. They are the future criminals, selfish and unrepentant. To stand up to the bully and defy his insinuations is what I call self-defense.
This confrontation has been sociably condemned, and also affects the person who has placed in the position of victim. To be so weak and secretly hoping the bully has had his fun and will go away, also ashamed of not finding the courage to be ruthless and looking like a bully for defending himself. But by then its too late the opportunity is much too hard for the bully to resist, its like adding wood to the fire. We must see both sides of the issue; on one side you have the addict looking for his next fix. And on the other you’ll find a youngster unwilling to fight for his rights. So many bullies have the astonishing ability to lie that when questioned they turn everything around and convincing the parent or teacher that they were in fact being victimized by the other child.
So lying is the first problem we all have. Stop the lying and hold every one accountable, from the moment they are in the crib, those babies that manipulate the mother to the point Root causes addicted to cruelty
Complaining does not prevent such devastating behavior. The root of the cause has not been addressed for every child that acts this way there is a parent or teacher that condones it or is absent minded, incompetent and doesn’t care to get involved. Plus the parents that perpetrated and displayed such conduct as well are not held accountable. They reinforce that behavior by praising all those despicable attitudes. They find it fun, they enjoy creating anxiety in others, and they’ll keep pursuing such activities where they are at home, school or online. That is why it never stops, because they have become addicted to the feeling of over powering or submitting someone. These people have dismissed any empathy towards others, their sense of entitlement prevails, and they steal, break and lie openly. They are the future criminals, selfish and unrepentant. To stand up to the bully and defy his insinuations is what I call self-defense.
This confrontation has been sociably condemned, and also affects the person who has placed in the position of victim. To be so weak and secretly hoping the bully has had his fun and will go away, also ashamed of not finding the courage to be ruthless and looking like a bully for defending himself. But by then its too late the opportunity is much too hard for the bully to resist, its like adding wood to the fire. We must see both sides of the issue; on one side you have the addict looking for his next fix. And on the other you’ll find a youngster unwilling to fight for his rights. So many bullies have the astonishing ability to lie that when questioned they turn everything around and convincing the parent or teacher that they were in fact being victimized by the other child.
So lying is the first problem we all have. Stop the lying and hold every one accountable, from the moment they are in the crib those babies that manipulate the mother to the point that she can’t change his diaper, and she allows this behavior. Instead if she states loud and clear STAY PUT, right now I am changing your diaper! Communication is essential between us, happy parents make happy children, and miserable people oppress those who seem happier than them. Lets not lie to each other ever! Then we can be held accountable and share the problems as well as the benefits of our collective reality.
Words are Powerful
I commend the efforts of our educators who are creating awareness of bullying and the long-term impact in has on children. As a parent of a child who has been both a victim and an instigator of relational bullying, I fear that our efforts are not great enough and may not be as effective as we like to think.
Essentially, people feel empowered when they are the bully (and conversely, they feel oppressed when bullied). Simple reminders to my son about how he felt when he was the victim were not enough to stop his bullying behavior (which has not been effectively recognized by his teachers). Instead we are teaching him that the powereful feeling he gains from being a bully is fleeting and the consequences are negative (insincere loyalty from others based in fear, long-term labels as a bully, low self-esteem, etc). We also regularly tell him the words are powerful and the feelings that a person can invoke by saying positive things to others (I like what you did, good job!, I appreciate you, etc) can result in long-term positive consequences. Examples are solid friendships, being recognized as an upstanding and honest person, invitations to social events and activities, and awards and opportunities. And we point out these examples (both sides) often.
I believe that we need to teach our children not only what it means to be a bully, but also what it means and how much MORE powerful it is to do the right thing. We can do this by teaching parents how to be more positive with our children.
Mary Hanson
Anger Management
I was really intrigued that the school taught the teachers how to deal with bullying, and they provided anger management to the students. In the urban school that I teach in, there are plenty of fights and many cases of bullying almost daily. My special education students really struggle with controlling their anger, and it would be wonderful to teach them anger management. I think many of my students would benefit from that.
I think it is wonderful that
I think it is wonderful that children are learning anger management. Children need to know that it is normal to get upset; they just need to know how to deal with it. I think this is an area where most children could benefit from a program like this. I hope that eventually all schools will implement the Second Step violence-prevention program into their curriculum. This is not just a problem at low-income schools; this is a problem everywhere.
Anger Management for All Schools
I agree with Jeri, this is an issue for all schools. I think at this time of their lives, students need to learn how to control their anger. If this were applied to all schools, can you even imagine what kind of society we'd be in when they get to adulthood? What a concept.
---------
OliviaB.
Portland DUI lawyer
Anger Mangement
Isn't anger management one of the things that should be taught at home by parents?
I guess that is only in a perfect world and most of our children aren't recieveing the education that they are supposed to at home and society is depending on the schools to teach everything, education, social skills, responsiblity......
Resource of Interest
I enjoyed reading the above article and pleased that bullying was taken seriously and effective strategies put into place.
Would like to share an addiitonal resource: Quit it! A Teacher's Guide on Teasing and Bullying for use with students in grades K-3. Quit it! is a research-based approach using children's literature to combat teasing and bullying. Two accompanying CDs provide many tools useful for creating a school-wide Quit it! approach to addressing this growing problem.
More information can be found at www.edequity.org.
Thanks.
Post new comment