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So, I've just joined this site, and I was immediately attracted to this forum. I used to work in an after school program teaching literacy and math skills to 1st and 2nd graders. I thought I would share some of my Facebook updates from that time. -- Conversation I had with a student in the playground after I watched her do a cartwheel: Me: "I used to do cartwheels when I was a cheerleader." 1st grader: "Yeah, but you can't do them now because you're all jiggly." -- "WHITE CHOCOLATE! WHITE CHOCOLAAAAAATE!" - 1st grader as she chased me around the courtyard, trying to bite me. -- 1st grader's reaction to seeing mummies for the first time? "Kiss my butt-cheeks you mummies!!!" -- Today I drew some stars on a piece of construction paper. My kindergartener's response? "Dang girl! I mean Daaaaaang!" -- "You look like a pile of garbage... with an alligator on it." My 2nd graders' insults are getting more creative every day. -- "If I'm good, will you give me gum?" -student "Why can't you just be good because its the right thing to do?" - me (Student took this opportunity to snatch the hat off of a boy who was walking past her and throw it to the ground.) "It starts NOW." -student -- "These 2 students are here to learn, so stop distracting them." - Me "I'm here to learn too! Aint I doin my learning dance?" -student doing a little dance "You can stay" - Me -- "Miss Alayna! He's using the chalk on his nipples!" -concerned 2nd grader -- "Miss Alayna you need to break up with your boyfriend cuz he cheated on you with a girl named Rachel." - 1st grade homewrecker -- today I asked my students to close their eyes and use their imaginations as I read them a story entitled "Something Terrible." One of the students decided she didn't need to hear the story and imagined something terrible on her own. "Miss Alayna, I imagined you in a big pool drowning and then a volcano dropped on you and you cried. And then you died." -- "Miss Alayna is drunk. Miss Alayna is drunk. Miss Alayna is drunk and she die every day. She die every day. She die every day cuz she drink too much and she die." - song composed and performed by a 1st grader today, while hula hooping. -- "Miss Alayna, you used to be cool, but now you just suck." It's good to be back. -- me: "How about you sit on the carpet for story time." 1st grader: "How about you back up and gimme some personal space, girlfriend." -- student #1: Miss Alayna, we got a crush on the same boy. student #2: Yeah, he so cute, when I see him I melt like a candle. -- Me: "You're kind of a diva." student #1:" What's a diva?" student #2: "A diva is a female version of a hustler." Well played. -- "1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war! 5,6,7,8, lemme see that booty shake!" - 2 of my students today. -- "Oh my god, what is that!? Ahhh it's so scary, what is it??? Oh, it's you're drawing. My bad." -1st grader giving another 1st grader a pretty sassy critique during art time. -- While watching a train pass at the waterfront, I asked a first grader what she though the cargo was. Without wavering, she replied, "booty cheeks." I'll never look at a train the same way again. -- Why was my entire cafeteria table of 1st graders affecting the B-boy stance at the same time? Because as one of them explained, "Miss Alayna, we in the club. THE CLUB!" -- "She's had a hard life." -first grader, pointing at me. -- Miss C: "So, kids, why aren't you afraid of monsters?" student: "Because they're not real!... And neither is Santa Claus!!!!" classroom: ::stunned silence:: . . . I knew this day would come. --