Submitted by Jim R. Moulton (not verified) on March 19, 2008 - 07:03.
Hello. Your query was passed along to me from the folks at Edutopia, and I wanted to write. Your voice is that of a parent who cares, and is willing to go the distance, and that is the most important thing. I feel your concern.
The only advice I can give you is to keep on being a parent, and to me that means never, never, never giving up - never stop caring, never stop talking with your child, never stop expecting success. You see, I visit a lot of schools, and the issue you describe for your son is not an isolated issue, it is close to epidemic. In fact, it led me to write this piece in my blog in the Spiral Notebook:
People, your son included, will not allow the world to tell them they are a failure. Call me stupid, and I will find others who will tell me I am smart. I want, above all, to be liked. A wonderful presenter from Texas, at a conference I was part of in Japan, ended her keynote with a reminder to all that what each of us really wants is to "have somebody save us a seat on the school bus of life." I have never forgotten that.
So it seems to me that if your son is not being successful in school, then he has to be being seen as successful by someone... You need to figure out who is telling him that "not engaging in school" is the right thing to do. If this is not true, if his friends are all successful in school and his situation is a true anomaly, then there may be some emotional issues that will need professional help, but if he is part of a culture that does not value success in school, then you need to be real aware of where he is getting the "strokes" for not being engaged...
Then you do the parent thing - you tell him how much you love him and believe in him, that you have always and always will love him. You also tell him what you expect of him. You remind him that you are a family, and families take care of each other. You will fulfill your responsibilities to him, and you expect him to do the same for you...
Even when our child tries to make us show dislike, we parents need to respond with love. Love is not always like, sometimes love gets angry, sometimes love gets mad, sometimes love is hurt. But love is always honest.
As a parent this is what I try to do. Am I always able to do it? No. I get real mad sometimes. I say things I later wish I had not. But I do everything that I do for my family. I will go to the end of the world for them, and this means I am not always happy.
And celebrate the good things. No one wants to be constantly reminded of the failures. Grab the good times and hug them close, and make them feel so good that your son will want more...
I know this is just ramblings from another parent, but I hope you know you have been heard, and that I, like you, care about children.
Good luck to you, and to your son. He will do great things.
Thoughts for a grade 6 parent
Submitted by Jim R. Moulton (not verified) on March 19, 2008 - 07:03.
Hello. Your query was passed along to me from the folks at Edutopia, and I wanted to write. Your voice is that of a parent who cares, and is willing to go the distance, and that is the most important thing. I feel your concern.
The only advice I can give you is to keep on being a parent, and to me that means never, never, never giving up - never stop caring, never stop talking with your child, never stop expecting success. You see, I visit a lot of schools, and the issue you describe for your son is not an isolated issue, it is close to epidemic. In fact, it led me to write this piece in my blog in the Spiral Notebook:
People, your son included, will not allow the world to tell them they are a failure. Call me stupid, and I will find others who will tell me I am smart. I want, above all, to be liked. A wonderful presenter from Texas, at a conference I was part of in Japan, ended her keynote with a reminder to all that what each of us really wants is to "have somebody save us a seat on the school bus of life." I have never forgotten that.
So it seems to me that if your son is not being successful in school, then he has to be being seen as successful by someone... You need to figure out who is telling him that "not engaging in school" is the right thing to do. If this is not true, if his friends are all successful in school and his situation is a true anomaly, then there may be some emotional issues that will need professional help, but if he is part of a culture that does not value success in school, then you need to be real aware of where he is getting the "strokes" for not being engaged...
Then you do the parent thing - you tell him how much you love him and believe in him, that you have always and always will love him. You also tell him what you expect of him. You remind him that you are a family, and families take care of each other. You will fulfill your responsibilities to him, and you expect him to do the same for you...
Even when our child tries to make us show dislike, we parents need to respond with love. Love is not always like, sometimes love gets angry, sometimes love gets mad, sometimes love is hurt. But love is always honest.
As a parent this is what I try to do. Am I always able to do it? No. I get real mad sometimes. I say things I later wish I had not. But I do everything that I do for my family. I will go to the end of the world for them, and this means I am not always happy.
And celebrate the good things. No one wants to be constantly reminded of the failures. Grab the good times and hug them close, and make them feel so good that your son will want more...
I know this is just ramblings from another parent, but I hope you know you have been heard, and that I, like you, care about children.
Good luck to you, and to your son. He will do great things.
Jim