Heroic Gifts for Teacher Heroes

Here's a secret. Teachers sleep soundly only when they're too tired to think. Most nights involve flipping their pillows over to the cool side, worrying that they've not done enough to help children succeed. Such commitment deserves some love on Teacher Appreciation Day, May 6, so I've researched some gifts that teachers would enjoy.

Appreciation on a Budget

Can’t afford a pricy gift? No worries, here are some low-cost suggestions:

• Donut Heaven: Insert a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed into a wrapper with the following free printable label on the outside: "Donut I'd Do Without A Teacher Like You" ($0.79).
• The Best Cookie: How good are Chocolate Marshmallow Clouds? So good that they make other cookies feel bad ($8).
• Time: With parent volunteers, the Washington Elementary School Parent Teacher Organization in Indiana organized student activities in the gym so that teachers could spend two hours alone in their classrooms catching up on planning and grading. Teachers reported that it was the best gift they had ever received (free).
• Screen-Saver: Create a screen saver or classroom poster using Canva's poster-template (free). Examples below:

• DIY Coat Rack: With stamped spoon hooks, this pallet wood hanger adds rustic charm to the classroom ($2).
• Eco-Nash: Fill this Unzipped Glass Zipper Bag with candies ($17 for bag; $5 for jelly beans).
• Video Tribute: Upload a video to My Teacher My Hero that describes how much an instructor has impacted your community (free).
• Honorable Mentions:
  • Class photo in a DIY picture frame (price varies)
  • Mug with funny saying ($12)
  • The J-Fit Massage Bar ($17)
  • Post-It Labeling Tape ($7)
  • The Contigo spill-proof travel mug ($25)

Ultra-Useful

These gifts can reduce the physical strain involved in teaching, grading and transporting materials:

• Luxury Tote: This lightweight cart makes lugging materials easy, even up and down stairs ($45).
• Grading Desk Light: The Verilux Original Natural Spectrum Desk Lamp reduces eyestrain. When my wife, a fifth grade teacher, used my lamp for her grading, she bought one for her desk, too ($45).
• Foot Support: Superfeet insoles ($35).
• Never Shout Again: The Portable Wireless Bluetooth Voice Amplifier eliminates voice strain. And you can rock that coveted Tony Robbins look ($99).
• Honorable Mentions:
  • A Pivot-Plug Surge Protector ($65)
  • Stretchable pants for stress eating ($64)
  • A gift certificate to Quimby's, an independent bookstore with an unprecedented number of unusual publications (price varies).

Practical, But Pricey

If you own a pet monkey or can pool money from multiple parents, then you can afford one of these useful items:

• White Board Paint: Idea Paint can turn the surface of student desks (or any flat object) into an erasable white board ($225 per 50 sq. ft.).
• Grading Music: Google Play All Access Music provides unlimited listening to millions of songs on the web or Android device ($9.99 per month).

Aficionados

Teachers that listen to the right music (P.J. Harvey or Kendrick Lamar) or consume the right books (James Salter or Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie), will appreciate these items:

• The Best TV Show Ever: The Wire: The Complete Series ($123.97).
• Coffee Bliss: When not amped up on Yerba Mate tea, professional writers drink Black Cat Espresso from single origin beans ($15).
• Cool Piano Jazz: Any album by jazz genius Marcus Roberts ($15).
• Honorable Mentions:
  • Bitcoins . . . if the craze continues, you could be funding an instructor's retirement (price varies).
  • A subscription to The New Yorker ($59 a year)

Platinum Gifts

Maybe these gifts aren't realistic, but we can dream, right?

• Lunch: The nine-course tasting menu at The French Laundry is for teachers who appreciate good squab ($250+).
• Favorite Song Experience: The Hyde Bellagio Las Vegas package includes the largest bottle of champagne in the world and the opportunity to instantly sync the Fountains of Bellagio in Las Vegas to your favorite song ($250K).
• Ice Cream Delivery: Create a signature blend, or subscribe your lucky teacher to the Ice Cream Flavor of the Month Club at eCreamery ($775 for twelve months).
• Hallway Carrier: For patrolling the school bathrooms and playground at 12 miles per hour, the two-wheeled, self-balancing, battery-powered, electric Segway will get the job done ($2,111; add a cup holder for free).
• Honorable Mentions:
  • Hip replacement surgery ($10-125K)
  • The Aqua Vista Dinosaur Gold Edition Aquarium is framed by a real gold veneer imbedded with real Tyrannosaurus rex bone shavings ($4.8M).

Guiding Multitudes

Before Jaime Escalante died, he requested that his closed-casket visitation take place in the Garfield High School math classroom where he never gave up on the students labeled "unteachable." Such commitment is shared by millions of teachers.

Teachers are not superhuman, but they show up precisely when we need them most -- when dark shadows of doubt eclipse self-esteem. They see past bad hair and sporadic incoherence. Among the gawky multitudes, they foresee individuals living graceful, poetic lives of merit -- and for a child, such conviction is received as ecstatic relief.

When kids graduate and charge toward adulthood without looking back, teachers cry in secret, take a breath, and with patience and faith, prepare to shepherd new students to high plateaus.

Teachers aren't superhuman. They just act like it.

What received tokens of appreciation have resonated with you?