Defusing Power Struggles: It's Not About Getting the Last Word

EDucating students who have been labeled with a disability often in turns means dealing with behavioral issues all in one. ALot of my students are confrontational and don't back down from an argument. They seek attention and at that moment from the teacher an their peers. One of my strategies is to first let the student know that their behavior is not acceptable and next to assist the other students in gaining their attention back to the lesson and ignore the negative behavioral. I don't brush the behavior under the table but in my beginning teacher years I've learned that students often use this to avoid doing work and to display them being defiant. Becoming confrontational with a student to get the least word often leads you stooping down to their level at that moment and instead of gaining power you lose their respect.

I've not ever agreed with characterization that the French are snob. They appreciate you trying to communicate in their language, and that goes a long way! Colleen

Allen,
Thanks so much for sharing this. I'm going to save for future reference. Student teachers need to be able to create a caring and compassionate sense of order in their classroom while still being able to maintain their role as leader and mentor. It is a difficult balance, but I like your advice to sometimes hold comment till cooler heads prevail. Trying to not criticize in public is important to student self esteem and classroom management. Thanks again. Colleen

Ian; Both my sister and my brother married French natives. I have a French niece. My oldest son went to SciencesPo in Paris. His girlfriend's major at Yale is French literature. I have been in Paris for long stretches so many times I can't count. All my French relatives live here so that's a lot of interaction with the French! I have a close friend who lived in France for years and we've had long discussions on culture.I have also studied French culture in the scholastic sense. I did not pull my comment out of the air. And for the record, I have tried that approach in Paris. It absolutely works like a charm! Oh, the stories...

French people have a reputation for being snobby, but I find them delightful. I have learned that in order to be not viewed as a "silly American", a person must have a peppery sense of humor and stand tall. Otherwise they find us a bit pedestrian. I come by their brand of humor naturally so interactions are spirited.

I also have an easy rapore with teens. They often say things to me like "haha Lessia, I love you--you take no prisoners!" I earn their respect. Recently, a teen chose me as her "hero" for a class hero project. It was one the most magical moments of my life.
And btw, I come from a family of teachers. We often joke we're just as much counselors as teachers. My mom's very conservative, I'm not--but we all teach from the heart and do well with kids because they know we care.

Leesia, what does that mean "pretend they're all French and give them more atttiude back..."? Are you saying that all French people have an attitude ( a bad attitude, I assume you mean)? Works like a charm,eh? Have you tried that approach in Paris? They teach this stuff in teacher's college or did you make this strategy up all by yourself? More than a bit bizarre, if you ask me.

I find rooms full of teenagers a lot of fun. They respect humor. They respect logic. They hate heavy lectures but honestly, so don't you and I? I just pretend they're all French and give them more attitude back than they give me. Works like a charm.

I loved this article, especially your last paragraph. And hello, of course a teacher needs to understand human nature. It's written into the job.

and ps. Too funny. We have a song called "Whatever". Daughters sing it to moms and I hear moms sing it back.

I don't think this is saying the teacher needs to play amateur psychologist. It is providing a suggestion that if followed should make the experience better for all involved. The teacher does have to take some responsibility in the classroom and this is part of it.

I love the example Allen uses regarding his daughter. It shows this is not limited to the classroom and applies to many situations, including those dealing with young people.

Once more the teacher is being asked to play amateur psychologist. Once again the burden falls to the teacher to be all things in all situations. There are no private conservations in the classroom. Any little desk "fly-by" is hardly a private moment between teacher and student. And just how much time can a teacher invest in every disciplary situation?

Having said that, I look back on my teaching career and admit I am guilty of wanting to have the last word more times than I can count. I wish I had some do-overs. But in the heat of the moment, it seemed to me I had to "win." Young teachers should be taught how to handle tough or incidental disciplinary situations. I don't recall getting much help in that department.

Thank you for this. I am working in a school with a very tough population. I came from the reservation in the west, and never dealt with this type of behavior. Finally, after 10 weeks of school, I am learning. My class was out of control. I got help from a fellow teacher, and so far (first day...) things are much better. I am focusing on three or four areas, and using a point system. I was introduced to classdojo- the kids love it! It has specific behaviors you can apply, and you can print reports, too. Instead of trying to find consequences for bad behavior, students are earning the right to speak during lunch, and earning a piece of chocolate at dismissal. All students who maintain high points get a treasure box dive on Friday. So far, so good.