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Believing in Students: The Power to Make a Difference
December 26, 2012 | Dr. Richard Curwin
After a morning Discipline With Dignity training, the high school principal and I walked to the cafeteria to eat lunch. He said, "I love your session, but it's not practical." I responded with my view that it was practical because it works -- but it’s just not easy.
He pointed to a girl sitting alone at a table and said, "Do you think it would work with her?” She looked like she was a character from the Mad Max movies. She had just been released from federal prison. Her look was extreme (maybe not so much today) with spiked orange and purple hair, tattoos, all black makeup including black lipstick and black rouge, and severe body piercings. The principal looked at me and said, "So what would you do?" I asked back, "What about you? How do you handle her?" He said that he would draw a line and tell her she'd better not cross it. I responded, "What if she says, 'I’ll kill you?' Which one of you will be more afraid, her because she crossed the line you drew, or you because she threatened you with death?" The truth is that if she's been to prison, nothing that can be done in a school would frighten her. Detention? Calling her mother?
So he again asked what I would do. I said, "Talk to her." And he invited me to go over and try it right then. So I did. Dressed in my three-piece suit, I sat down at her table. She looked at me for a minute and said, "Who the f**k are you, a***ole?" I was a little stunned and didn't have time to read a book or check my notes. So I relied on two strategies I had just taught the teachers in my morning session: meet the real needs of students and use challenge instead of threat.
I said, "I'm someone writing a book on teenage violence, and I think you know better about it than me. If you have the courage to tell the truth and answer one question (challenge), I'll put your name in my book (need to be noticed)." She asked what the question was, so I replied, "Are there any teachers who you listen to, follow directions, show respect and learn from?" She said she had one like that, and I asked her what made that teacher different from the others.
Her answer is one that I will never forget and has been one of the constants in my work ever since. It's a movie scene that replays over and over in my mind. Right before my eyes, her answer transformed her from a tough, hardened criminal to a frightened little girl.
Because she's stupid. She thinks I can get a job someday, that I may even be able to go to college, or be a good mother because I know all the things not to do.
Then she started crying. The tears streaked down her black make-up and made her look like a zebra with black drops falling on her white top.
I ain't going to college and I ain't getting a job. I'll never be a mother. I'm a dead girl. In prison when they write your name on the wall, you die, and my name is there. I know I'm going back. But that teacher believes in me, and man, it really, really matters.
Later I put her name, Roxanne, in my book and tried to find her to give her a copy, but nobody knew where she was or how to find her.
Sometime later, I traveled the country doing trainings. I asked administrators if I could meet with about ten of their most troubled students. I did this for grades K-12, in urban, rural and all economic areas. I did it on two Indian reservations. I asked two questions: "Who is your favorite teacher and why?" I expected most to say they had no teacher who was a favorite. But they all did. Among the top reasons was, "They believe in me."
Five Ways to Reach Out
Believing in students is not simply telling them that you believe in them. These words matter only if they are true and if you demonstrate them by your actions. There is no way to fake it, because kids have built in crap detectors (a phrase taken from Neil Postman, and Charles Weingartner, in Teaching As a Subversive Activity), and they can tell if you don't mean it. Here are some ways to express it.
1. Stop Using Rewards
Rewards are not needed if you believe in a student. The reward implies to them that they only way you can get them to do something is to pay them. That is the opposite of believing.
2. Encourage Effort More Than Achievement
Not every child can meet the unrealistic goals of a test-mad curriculum. Every child can try to do his or her best. Ironically, the harder students are encouraged to try, the better they do on our crazy high-stakes testing.
3. Give Second, Third and Fourth Chances
In many states, the law says, "Three strikes and you're out." In most schools, the most troubled kids get only one strike. The message is, "Be the way we want or we don't want you." School is for all children and mistakes are part of the learning process, not just for academics, but also for behavior. Rather than strike them out, teach them the skills they need to overcome their deficiencies.
4. Don't Say "You Failed" - Say "You Haven’t Done It Yet"
Encourage hope by letting students know that, no matter what they do, they can still do better. Safety always comes first in a school environment, of course. Sometimes safety concerns override points 3 and 4, but not as often as we think.
5. Increase Opportunities to Learn
The children who need recess the most are the first ones to lose it. Being removed from field trips, the cafeteria, library and all other learning opportunities only makes students less able to handle them in the future. No one would say to a basketball player, "You missed too many foul shots. You can’t practice until you get better." It is time to stop giving more opportunities to those who have already proven they are successful while denying opportunities to those who need them the most.
If we can start reaching kids like Roxanne sooner rather than later, who knows how many lives could change?
Comments (21)
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Quote: Educators that do not
Educators that do not believe in rewards based systems make me laugh, because they fail to acknowledge a fundamental aspect of every advanced society on this planet.
I would have to disagree with you hear Mr. Hauck. There was a time when I also "believed" that "dangling carrots" in front of a student would change behavior. After reading Daniels Pink's book Drive and several other resources on intrinsic motivation, metacognition, and the demonstration of 21st. Life Skills; I have come to the conclusion that "carrot dangling" is ineffective and unreliable. The model you address is known as Motivation 2.0. This ineffective business model was adopted by many educators/and institutions in the 1960's as a way to change student behavior. This model was not always associated with mastery of learning goals but grounded in value systems that the teacher felt were important to learn. These values are mostly grounded in authoritative rhetoric which Paulo Freire addressed in Pedagogy of the Oppressed as tools of conformity and not of freedom. Most of these "values" were not centered on the students interests or specific needs; the values were more teacher centered and highly subjective. Studies by McRegor and Douglass at MIT address the fact that humans have higher innate drives which promote behavior. Do you think a student really gets motivated to learn when they are penalized for thinking "out-of-the-box?" Or when their grade is determined by non-academic factors such as behavior or attendance? Pink gives vivid examples on how many open source products [e.g. Wikipedia, Firefox, Linux, etc] were produced outside of the Motivation 2.0 Model. You want to change student behavior? Give them respect, compassion, and many opportunities to create, innovate, and demonstrate their understanding. Allow them [your students] to take intellectual risks and become a student of their thinking.
Have you considered the long
Have you considered the long term effects of such expressions on young needy individuals who may continue to seek solace in your affections long after they have passed through your class and onto high school (and even beyond)?
That seems like a potentially unusually large responsibility to have to carry. It could very easily subsume one's personal family life. A line must be drawn somewhere. For example, what if they show up at your door five years hence and make demands on you because they interpreted your expressions as a permanent compact between the two of you?
You, dear sir, have your
You, dear sir, have your opinion and I have mine. I cannot count the number so students who appreciate those three little words spoken from the heart and revealed through sincerity.
Educators that do not believe
Educators that do not believe in rewards based systems make me laugh, because they fail to acknowledge a fundamental aspect of every advanced society on this planet.
They all function on rewarding achievement. I will safely assume that any one of you who teaches, lectures, writes, etc., receives compensation for your efforts. Otherwise, you would not be able to live and function in modern society. Unless you are a member of a religious order who has taken a vow of poverty, then any protest against reward based systems rings false. You are essentially communicating "do as I say, not as I do." Any smart kid is going to realize your hypocritical stance.
This stuff about building intrinsic motivation simply flies in the face of the "real world." I've already written elsewhere about two of the most vocal anti-rewards advocates in America and the very comfortable lives they lead as a result of receiving ample compensation for their work.
This should be sufficient reason to discredit the entire notion of eliminating rewards. If you don't think so, then the next time someone hands you a check for work you've done, refuse to accept it. Let me know how that works out for you.
"IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR
"IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR STUDENTS THEN WHY ARE YOU TEACHING?"
I believe you are confusing "caring" with "love."
The biggest mistake many teachers make is believing they are social workers or mommy substitutes as well as teachers. You cross a professional and ethical boundary by expressing an emotion like "love" that should be reserved for your own flesh and blood or for those with whom you have an intimate or deeply meaningful connection in your PRIVATE life.
It is highly unprofessional to blur the boundary between your personal and business obligations. Your job is to model appropriate behavior, attitudes, and values while transferring skills and maintaining proper professional detachment. Why would you want to confuse a kid with an excessive level of emotional expression and have them possibly misinterpret the intended message? it's just not very wise and invites potential problems for yourself or your school in this highly litigious society we live in.
I don't think I need to cite the number of foolish teachers who get caught facebooking or texting their students and suffer the consequences, which is why I despise the push for more social media in schools. Too many teachers, especially the younger ones, have a more difficult time regulating their on-line activities. Why? Because too much of their lives is devoted to social media.
Early primary (pre-K to 3) is one thing, but from the onset of adolescence onward, it's smart to keep a lid on the "I love you" schtick.
LOVE PREVAILS. SO MAY
LOVE PREVAILS. SO MAY EDUCATORS ARE AFRAID TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" TO THEIR STUDENTS. I AM NOT SAYING FAKE IT BUT I DO ASK, "IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR STUDENTS THEN WHY ARE YOU TEACHING?"
Classroom Management with Tough Students
Your comments remind me of those written by Michael Linsin fo http://www.smartclassroommanagement.com/. He also argues that putting tough students on a special plan or giving rewards signals that your expectations for them are lower than for others.
Your approach to the students disarms them because you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. I wonder how long it has been since an adult sat down with those tough students to truly listen to them.
Janet | expateducator.com
One needs to consider....
Rewards: Not using "rewards" is a great idea yet most teachers "reward" to compensate the statistical disparity of the 100 point grading scale that many educators still use. Most of these rewards are not linked to established learning goals and most reflect non-academic criteria.
Effort: Students will put more effort in achieving learning goals when they see that their efforts are being supported by effective interventions. For instance, would a student put much effort into re-doing an assignment when a teacher will average the old score with the new? Or not allow them to get any grade higher than a C?
Multiple Chances- giving students multiple opportunities to demonstrate understanding is effective yet when grades are due by the end of the quarter you can only provide so many opportunities. Why can't a school year be more fluid?
Failure-Don't like the word much but it is a reality of life. We cannot succeed in all these we do right? In relation to our students we need to reflect deeper and determine if the assessment tool and are practices were effective.
More opportunities to learn goes hand in hand with more opportunities to demonstrate what was learned. Using multifaceted assessments provides students many opportunities to demonstrate understanding.
Striving for balance
This is beautiful, Dr. Curwin. Real love communicates. It's the only thing that does. I have a saying, "Love without principle is wishy washy; principle without love is cold and inanimate." We need a balance of both--as teachers and parents and administrators. But if given a choice, err on the side of love. There is also a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson I discovered on a street sign in Northhamton, MA. It reads, "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying."
They Care that You Care!
Your post addresses exactly what I wrote about in a recent post! They might not act like it, but they care that you care. Thanks for sharing!
"He's Not the Child He Could Have Been!":
http://oldschoolteach.blogspot.com/2012/12/what-about-me-mrs-mhes-not-ch...